By Patricia Lefave, Monophrenic
How do we break the “D” Code?
By being aware of the dysfunctional group dynamic, especially the unwritten rule imposing a code of silence on all the group members, and just saying it all right out LOUD, as we are not SUPPOSED to do. As Alice Miller put it, ''Thou Shalt Not Be Aware.''
The dysfunctional code used in families of course, goes with them for extended use, in all other dysfunctional groups, most of whom will also co-operate with the dysfunctional code of behaviour, just like they always do.
Dysfunctional groups MUST scapegoat when the dysfunctional code of silence is threatened with the revelation of the group dynamic, because that is how the dysfunctional code of silence is preserved and is, in fact, built right into the dysfunctional code itself.
The dysfunctional ''superior'' people MUST keep any awareness of themselves OUT of the evaluations of their “inferior” others, as that is the only way they can “interpret” what is being said to them by the “inferior” one as either meaningless or with an alternate meaning. That is how statements like, “Oh...I don't decide who I am. Other people decide that FOR me,” becomes a “symptom” in the one making the statement.
The superior ones don't HEAR it as the angry sarcasm of a trapped “subject” and a perfectly normal human response to the situation as coming from an EQUAL.
The “superior” hear it as a symptom, from a defective, requesting an identity from his captors:
“Did you hear that?”...they say amazed by such an illness as this.. “he is saying that he needs other people to tell him who he is..”
The identified patient then laughs “for no reason”, at least no reason that his captors can see or understand. In fact, of course, it is the OTHER people involved, his “interpreters” who need to be told who he really is, which they do not know, and do not WANT to know, because if they knew, they would be forced to hear an equal talking to them, who is fed up with being treated like an object of observation and assessment rather than as a human being, expressing, or TRYING to express, his humanity to a group of idiots.
The dysfunctional “normal” splitters, constantly “creating and defining reality itself” FOR other people, often people they do not actually KNOW at ALL-cannot make the “mysterious” connection between what they are DOING and the clearly stated awareness of it by the people to whom they are doing it. You see the “superior” ones cannot allow themselves to know that the people they have defined as their inferiors are in that state of “knowing”...knowing exactly what their delusional superiors are doing, saying and often what is motivating it all, and THAT is the need they have to FEEL superior to those they are patronizing. The root word of patronizing is patron which also means “paternal.” “Daddy” is going to tell us who we are and by God we will accept it if we know what is good for us!
If the Splitters admitted that reality is, what it IS, it would ruin their “game” and also ruin “all their “fun.” If that were to happen then there goes their group delusion of grandeur. The dysfunctional group delusion is their “fix” for the things they can't, or just won't, fix, that really NEED fixing. The Splitter mentality is a form of addiction in itself, to power and control OVER OTHERS- “them,” those who are not like “us.” This makes up for a loss of SELF control, in the reality Splitter, in whatever way that exists for the individual. For some, it means acting out on others. For others it is submitting to being controlled BY others, but it is still the SAME base problem, from opposing viewpoints.
For some of us, who see this “too” clearly and who are assessed as “too sensitive,” being either the one controlling, OR the one being controlled, are not options and so we fight the dysfunctional system that tells us this is our choice. We choose to fight against the dysfunctional system ITSELF and to expose the nonsense in it that is causing more problems than it can ever hope to solve; mainly because you can't solve a problem you won't even admit exists.
Our work is cut out for us and we know we will be fought, and fought HARD, every dysfunctional step of the way. Our expectations are VERY “realistic” for we have learned, usually the hard way, that there is nothing easy about escape from group insanity or the deeply entrenched programming that trapped us there in the first place.