Looking for the New Trusted Key Holder
The one who is now retired liked to gossip and tell some tenants the diagnostic labels given to other tenants so that all the building gossips could get all the news to which they seem to feel entitled. (As long as the 'news' is not about them of course as that would then be a violation of THEIR right to privacy and then it would matter.
When I first moved in, one of my neighbours informed me that another was a 'schizophrenic.' I also watched as the now retired key holder informed another tenant of the same news about yet another tenant. (Possibly me; it was not too clear as she had been gossiping with an upstairs tenant about a downstairs tenant as I passed by. Don't let on I told you this as this is all con-fidential.)
The next trusted key holder, or so I have heard, has also passed along confidential information to other tenants out of the notes she get handed on all the tenants entrusted to her care. She is now gone, and the job is once again being offered openly to other tenants of the building. A large percentage of the tenants are now addicted personalities, some of whom are still using, as is hardly unusual with such folks. The building has had its ‘senior’ status removed and now the younger, newly ‘disabled’ can be placed there. I actually wanted a senior’s building, as even though I know there are a lot of substance abuse problems in these buildings also, (I worked the Homecare circuit for many years) I also figured that even those who were still dependent would now be too old and tired to keep their neighbours up all night ‘partying.’ Now of course, I could very well end up with my neighbour being one of the Manor graduates who used to live overhead in my old apartment; perhaps one of the death threat utterers.
Will it be one of these who get to have another set of keys to my apartment?
Will this one also help my antagonist, or perhaps the old handyman reporting TO my old antagonist, to get into my apartment when I am out?
Will the lady next door agree to let them know when I go out so they won’t get caught?
Will I be getting a nice dose of something in my Brita water to “help” me?
Will my saying such things be the cause in itself, to ‘help’ me some more?
I don’t want this kind of ‘help.’
I don’t want the really ‘good’ meds that have such a nice smooth feel to them man.
I don’t want any great new treatments designed to make my perception of reality more to the liking of those who dictate the nature of it to me.
I have not actually wanted to live here for the last fifteen years. I am however staying and the reason I am staying is because I intend to see to it that all the ‘sides’ in this get very well connected so that all of the assessors and evaluators can get the WHOLE picture for a change with all the ‘secrets’ from all of you, including all the ‘secret’ behaviour you are keeping from each other in this matter, waving like red flags in a tornado. No one is safe in an atmosphere like this one.
I just overheard one of the complexes tenants on a bus say she does not really feel safe in the complex. I don't either. I don't feel safe anywhere in this city and I don't know that I ever really will again. I also heard this week on a bus, that a young drunken female, struggling to stay clean and sober, but still heavily engaged in dysfunctional relating, who lives two doors down the street, is mouthing off with me as her topic again. She does not know me but, like the guy who lives upstairs, she has heard all the 'stories.' (Not that they exist of course as “it would not be reasonable...” well you know the drill by now right?) This particular loud mouth is ALSO operating in 'secret'. I wonder if she got the same 'story' as the ones working in the food store on the Creek did for which they pointed me out as I shopped there last week. Or is it the same 'really good story' as the one working the customer service desk at the Zoomer's Department Store on Rock Road who was going to wait until I left for the one to give the other the 'juicy details'. I always have to wait for the juicy details until one of them who receives them, acts them out for me somewhere prefaced with a “there she is,” so I will know I am the topic for sure. What will the obese girl with the sweat band pass along with her officious little tone to the twenty year old who waited to hear all the latest?
But back to the key holder job:
Now the 'job' gives the key holder free rent and I believe a small stipend for being in charge. The key holder gets a copy of all the tenants’ personal information from housing and the keys to all the apartments.
One of the people who has been said to have applied for the job is one of the Fare Box Fannies who likes to keep bus drivers, and many others, informed of the tenants’ business, especially what she believes to be mine. She also tries to get the latest from bus drivers, from those getting a free meal at the church, and from the graduates of various programmes at the psych hospital who are in the town square all day. She is also one who has slandered me personally and is connected to the woman who works (or used to work) at the store in the downtown mall (I have not seen her there for about two weeks but maybe she is just on vacation.)
That same woman though, used to work for the old dollar store along with the wife of the man who used to follow me around, and who reported to the est-ee nurse and the husband of the dollar store clerk also managed to get the keys to my apartment, perhaps even to two of them. Nothing makes one feel quite so safe as having the keys to your apartments turned over to your stalkers or to those who are 'helping' them, and to have half the population agree to keep it all a big 'secret' so that no one else can ever be caught or blamed for anything.
When you add to that that no one helps you because no one believes an 'attention seeking nut' like you, as you are now defined to be, there is no safer feeling on earth. (Yes I am being sarcastic.)
It makes you feel like anyone can be entering your apartment without your knowledge or consent at any time and there is nothing at all you can do about it because those who do it will gladly lie and get others to back them up in it while you are 'diagnosed' for knowing about it and daring to say so.
I just heard that Homewood is saying they have some great new treatments now. Perhaps my awareness of all of them will soon be reduced to a level that is more to their liking; a nice reduction level that will ensure that everyone else remains absolutely blameless. That is, after all, what it is all about isn’t it?
My anger? Oh don’t concern yourselves with that as it is only bad brain chemistry which appears to be just like real anger only has no meaning at all because ‘really’ nothing has happened here. No sir...nothing at all. I only ‘think’ it has...because I am crazy.
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