...Breaking The Chains and Ending the Cycle

 
 
 
 
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On Scapegoating

 

Dysfunctional groups of all types employ scapegoating as a means of blowing off suppressed emotions. Socially sanctioned targets are selected and used by a usually non verbal, but sometimes verbal, agreement.  This is a very effective method for releasing emotional pressure, for the whole group especially since the reason for it is denied. Better still is the tautology created which keeps it all going when the scapegoating itself is denied to exist and claimed by the group to be a perception/reaction problem the scapegoat is having which justifies the treatment of the group.

Nothing keeps a dysfunctional system going like keeping it closed to external interference or examination. The scapegoat can then be 'fixed' for complaining about his/her artificially constructed and imposed social position which has now been denied to even exist. Fixing the complainer for complaining is now socially sanctioned as well.

All escape routes are then successfully blocked.

 


When Does Con-fidentiality or Privacy
 Become Secrecy?


 

When the people keeping it all Con-fidential are doing so to protect themselves, and their own interests, while allowing their victim(s) to pay the ongoing price for it.



Ontario Provincial Police
Warns Public About Website
 
 March 2010
                                  

Ontario Provincial Police (OPP) in cooperation with the Ontario Corrections Intelligence Unit are warning the public about certain criminal websites possibly being used by thieves to break into your home when you are away. These websites used by criminals are linked to popular social networking websites. On these social networking websites (which are legitimate) you can update your profile to inform your friends as to when you are away from your residence and for how long. Certain criminal websites extracts this information and posts it on its pages and informs their users in any part of the world which houses are empty and at what times. When you consider how many millions of people use social networking websites around the world, the effects can be huge. The public is reminded that items posted on social networking websites are available to all on the web and not all persons on the web are “friends”. Please restrict what you put on your networking page(s) including photos of your residence/address, photos of vehicles including plate numbers and any up to the minute information as to your whereabouts, keep that for your local friends/people you know personally.

 



The Most Common Inappropriate Affect?

 

I believe that would be the laughter of the presumably ‘normal’ and sane folk as they treat the destruction of an individual’s life, mind and all around well being, as if it was entertainment.'

It is the favourite reality show for the mindless masses who consider themselves to be representational of mental ‘health.’

 

 

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We Regret to Announce the Death of:
Alice Miller, Psychoanalyst, Dies at 87;  

 

 

Related Many Problems to Parental Acts
Alice Miller, a psychoanalyst who repositioned the family as a locus of dysfunction with her theory that parental power and punishment lay at the root of many human problems, died at her home in Provence on April 14. She was 87.

For full article click on the link in her name

 

 

Switch and Repeat Cycles 09/08/2010

On Terry Jones, “Righteousness” and the Burning of the Koran 
By Patricia Lefave

How do we deal with such things?

How do we address this problem, and problems just like it, without becoming just the same as what we claim we hate? We must react to it, yet we must NOT react in ways that reinforce the problem and keep it going. So how do we end this kind of hate filled contest between people? 

People, and particularly people, who represent governments, must say much more than “doing this may endanger our troops.” That statement makes it sound like the only concern is the backlash to 'us' without acknowledging the inciting to hatred directed towards 'them.' This is endangering a whole lot of people everywhere, and not just those directly involved. This kind of perverted thinking is a fundamental danger to all human life. It is the essential stuff that wars are made of so this must be dealt with on a collective HUMAN level of equals.

Someone on the news, as usual, came up with the idea of the 'right to free speech' as a reason for non interference. I also believe in the right to free speech BUT burning the Koran, like setting fire to police cars and destroying other people’s property at riots, is NOT 'free speech.' It is an action taken beyond the right to free speech.  I don't see this action as any more, or less, reprehensible than that of burning the American flag while shouting 'death to America, or death to the West!” In fact, this kind of groupthink and behaviour is pretty much the SAME in my way of seeing it, so maybe we who want peace should be counteracting it ALL in the same way if we want to stop the effects of it on everyone else. 

In Canada, A number of years ago there was an incident regarding an old, old contest.  Once again, the Nazi agenda raised its hideous ‘superior’ head and exercised its right to free speech by slamming the Jewish People. How 'unusual' right?  Well, what was somewhat unusual was the response from a representative of the Jewish community. I cannot remember who it was exactly, but it may have been the president of the Canadian Jewish Congress. (Or another group; sorry for the lack of a specific identity here. I did not know I was going to use it years later.) 

In any case the two way commentary went very close to something like this: 

Neo Nazi: (responding to the objections to the usual rhetoric by the Jewish Community) ”They are just angry because they don't like what we have to say about them. But I am telling you we have the right to free speech in this country and we can say whatever we like!” 

Jewish Representative: “That's right. We DON'T like what you have to say about us and you’re also right that you DO have the right to free speech in this country... and SO DO WE.”

 First thing we need to point out, over and over again, is the difference between 'speech' and acting out. (Which is physical action) 

If you wouldn’t want a Bible Burning then you don't hold a Koran burning. Mutual hatred accompanied by contemptuous acts does not cause peace as an outcome. Peaceful acts cause peaceful outcomes. Mutual respect with personal boundaries intact causes peaceful outcomes. People who incite hatred in others exist in every religious group, every ethnic group and every government in power. This is what we have IN COMMON as human beings everywhere and this is what we need to focus on in order to dis-empower hatred and abuse. To dis-empower this, ALL peace seeking human beings must work together to universally condemn this kind of mindless hatred. There is nothing 'Godly' about this thinking and behaviour, from any legitimate religion’s point of view. It is just the opposite and we must ALL say so. ALL of us. Right out loud.  

This idiotic event is bound to happen and will include some people who support and enable it as this sort of thing ALWAYS attracts the haters of the world and offers them an excuse to act out as part of a mindless mob. No doubt they too will claim to have God on their ‘side.’ The only difference we can make is in HOW we react to it.  

Trying to appeal to reason will not work. It is not about 'reason' it is emotional, and irrational. It is not about God or religion either. That is just the disguise. None of the religions would condone this.  

I would suggest that we all fight it with really up close observation, right there on the spot, and a collective commentary in the style of the 'contest' as repeated above between the neo Nazi and the Jewish spokesperson. Representatives of all the faiths, especially other Christians since this jerk claims he represents Christian belief, and others from no faith at all, must join together and speak out publicly against ALL 'burnings' of everything; Bibles, Korans, flags, places of worship, cars, buildings  etc. and jointly condemn this sort of thing as hate mongering from ALL points of view. NO 'contest.' 

Go to the event together and talk about the idiocy of it and speak into microphones when you do it; calmly, with no show of anxiety or self righteous indignation. Instead, view it as the mindless stupidity that it IS and exercise YOUR right to free speech by condemning this with words. Then perhaps you could join hands, and form a protective circle of all faith perspectives, while the jackasses burn books like the naughty spiritual children that they are. 

Bear in mind that this is really a symbolic act, designed to get an angry reaction and that the Book is made of paper, and not flesh. It is really about the Spirit of Life and death, War and Peace. The Spirit of true Islam and true Christianity is not gone because some of the Holy Books are burned. Give a collective reaction to it that the hate mongers do not want or expect.

 A suggestion of a means of dealing with this might be like this below 

Softly chant together, but as one voice: 

Universal Spirit of All People (One Spirit of Being with Many Names)

 Please bring to this place today the death of the spirit of Division, War and Hatred and replace it with Collective Understanding.

On this particular day we pray together for the rescue of the spirit of those who would tear humanity apart while falsely claiming that they do so at the direction of the Holy ONE. 

Or simpler may be just to chant: “Death to Division, Death to War, Death to Hatred.  

We must all understand that what we do to one of us, we do to all of us, for in reality, we are all very much connected. Use these mindless events to proclaim that, while the cameras are rolling. 

 
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I found this book VERY helpful and I think many of my readers will too. It is not new, but new enough that it may still be available in libraries.

A Few Words and Phrases From:

 

Emotional Blackmail

By Susan Forward, PhD.

 

 

“Why can’t I ever get my point across?...Blackmailers can skillfully mask the pressure they are applying to us, and often, we experience it in ways that make us question our perception of what’s happening…Yet, no matter how different they appear on the surface, they all have major traits in common…

…The people we are coming up against in these can’t-win situations are skilled manipulators.

 

Chapter 1:

Diagnosis: Emotional Blackmail

Sub section:  What’s the real motive?

If someone’s primary goal is ‘to win…’ There’s no balance of power…

 

Chapter 2:

The Four Faces of Blackmail:

Punishers, Self Punishers, Sufferers and Tantalizers.

 

3. Their Blind Spots—and Ours

“…They genuinely believe in the correctness of what they are doing and the rightness of what they want…They tend to fuse and enmesh themselves with those around them.

 

Chapter 4:

(My own favourite Chapter: I feel like I could also name this one “Psychiatric Blackmail: tools of the trade’, since it fits so well)

 

Tools of the Trade:

Sub headings

The Spin Doctor, Confusing Labels, Making us ‘Bad’, Pathologizing, What’s Wrong with YOU?, Dangerous secrets, Enlisting Allies, Bringing in Fresh Troops, Calling on a Hidden Authority, (God, psychiatrists etc.) Negative Comparisons (to others who are ‘better’ than you because they co-operate)

‘…The ‘spin involves applying adjectives—positive ones to the blackmailer and the compliant target; negative ones to the person who resists… The experience is disorienting…we begin to internalize the blackmailer’s questions about our perceptions, our character, our worth, our desirability, our values. We are trapped in a dense FOG…We buy into the spin because we want our friends, lovers, bosses and family members to be right and good, not mean unfeeling or oppressive…

 

Sub Heading

It’s All About Them

…‘All the blackmailers we’ve seen are focused almost totally on THEIR needs, THEIR desires; they don’t seem to be the least bit interested in OUR needs or how their pressure is affecting us. Blackmailers can be like steamrollers when we don’t satisfy them, becoming ruthless in their single minded pursuit of their goals…It is a strange kind of love that is so blind to the target’s feelings…

 

Making Mountains Out of Molehills

Sub heading

Teaching us a Lesson

 

…’Insults an infantilizing are similarly explained away with the, ‘it’s for your own good rationale… there are attractive payoffs to clinging to this erroneous idea of punishment as training. Blackmailers can live with almost anything if they can make targets seem like dunces…In this way they can avoid any introspection…’

 

 

Old Battles, New Victims

…’the blackmailer strikes out at a target who has become a stand-in for a figure from the past…’ (this is known as acting out on a surrogate)

 

The Blame- Taker

…’ In fact, they [blackmailers] demand that we buy into it. If they’re displeased, we’re the problem. And our compliance with them is the solution. Under pressure from her family to recant or face exile…She had become the family scapegoat… it is not uncommon for one person to become the repository of everything that goes wrong in the family…in order to keep everyone else in balance…It is especially tough to believe your own perceptions are valid when people you love are telling you how crazy, wrong or sick you are…

 

A Vicious Cycle

 ..”It was a totally no-win situation…Under pressure we do something that doesn’t fit with who we are…”

 

Rationalizing and Justifying

“Protecting our integrity can be frightening and lonely…She did what many blackmail targets do given a choice between being true to themselves and complying with what someone else wants: she rationalized.’

 

The Impact on Our Well Being

‘Emotional blackmail leaves us full of unexpressed smoldering feelings.’

The Impact on the Relationship

Shutting Down

Targets of emotional blackmail become so accustomed to negative judgments disapproval, pressure and overreactions that…they are reluctant to share major parts of their lives. We stop talking about… (listed)…Just below the artificial calm that surrounds a placated blackmailer and a target who has given in, is the widening chasm that is opening between them….In a blackmail tainted situation, relationships with friends , lovers and family members that once had real depth begins to get thinner as the roster of safe topics shrinks.’

A New Dance

Be prepared for even more pressure as blackmailers try to regain their position.

 



Alice Miller, child abuse and mistreatment

 
   
 
© 2012 CounterPsych Log In