Yet another of my hallucinations.

I was in the downtown mall the other day when a male voice said this loudly. I looked up from the sales flyer I was looking at but all I saw was one person about  65 ish or seventy, who was looking in my direction. It was not one of the regular  comment makers who like to make remarks at me everywhere (my hallucinated conversations, don't you know) but it is the style of remark I often (imagine) I hear which  is why I looked.

So was it this man who was looking at me who made the remark or someone else making it to him, or another making it to someone I could not see? I really don't know. I will tell you what I do know though. I know that there is no communication going at all when other people don't talk directly and genuinely to someone (like me) and I also know that if anyone else was put through this same sort of thing that they TOO, despite their extraordinarily and unrealistically high opinions of themselves, would be disconnected from concrete reality and experience psychosis just like those they like to find so 'amusing' when they join with the 'normal' others in having them a little bit of redneck 'fun'  harassing genetic defectives like myself.  In fact, I hope the worst of them acting out all these years get to HAVE the experience because I think those amused eyes and little smirks will be wiped right off those smug, superior faces in short order.  Then when their lives and jobs and personal relationships are all destroyed because they have received their genetic defective labels explaining it all away by blaming their defective brains and personalities, we can observe them some more and see if we think they are friendly and smiling enough to suit the rest of us.

I can think (as they say in est) of a few women working in various places with whom I would really love to 'share my experience' of psychosis. I think most of them would be on drugs for the rest of their lives and likely never find their way back to sanity. It is one of those things you really have to BE there to fully appreciate. Doesn't that sound like another really good time, some real 'recreation' we might say...(har har har) still to come? I think so.

Why should I be the only one having all that 'fun?''

The really 'fun' part though is when half the population joins in and defines your reality for you by watching you all time, (while denying it of course) and 'interpreting' virtually everything you do or say in pathological terms complete with threats of more of the 'help' they are all certain that you need to make you more to their liking, and what they like most is to be invisible to a whack job like you while they spew insults at you from four feet away, and above all, they like to be perceived as 'blameless.' Get ready to play the grinning idiot just like those who will always be smiling back at you while pretending they don't know a thing about what has been done to you. After all, you can't blame 'others.'

Only the 'others' can blame YOU. That is how the splitting works you see.