My Very Own Paranoid Delusions and 'Imaginary' Conversations



 

Observing, Assessing and Evaluating Crazy Me:
 
One of Those "Cries for 'Help'"


Even More 'Fun'
 

I thought it might be even more ‘fun’ for the locals to get right into my personal space in a way that would not be possible for them to do just by pushing and shoving their way in, and then passing all they can get along as interpretive gossip. (not that any of them DO that of course!) So, bearing in mind that I have been told by experts that none of my personal experience of reality, as I perceive it, is ‘real,’ I thought that I would share my erroneous perceptions and reactions (‘affects’, which are not feelings like you have) right here on this page, with all of you. This way, you who are not ‘sick’ can enjoy observing and assessing someone who is told she is sick, but who will not accept it. 

Now remember I am going to write this “AS IF” this were reality so that those of you who know you are not brain disordered as I am, can really see what it is like to be at the mercy of one’s poor sick brain and yet believe that people actually DO behave this way and that it is in fact very common. To complete my disclaimer here then: 

 On this page, Any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental or another sign of my inherently defective personality. Therefore, please do not worry that anyone else is ever going to be held in any way accountable for any of it. 

  

 

My Paranoid Stories of life in my city will appear here below so do get involved in this educational experience...Don't worry, (not that you would) as no real names will be used here since none of these people are really guilty of anything anyway...so how could they be?

• My Own Fascinating Insanity
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The Gardening Story 08/31/2010

As told by the sane and normal members of my building.  

A few facts first:

I have removed most of the plants in the flower bed area under my window and intend to remove all of them, kill all the weeds and then cover it over with wood chips to keep the weeds at bay.

One of the hawk-eyes in the building notice the plants were all gone from my assigned patch, so they had to get together and go into one of their in depth character assessments over it. (This is a secret group behaviour now so don't let on to me that you know anything about it OK?) There has been quite a bit of the observation bit and some of that “now just what does she think she is doing'' stuff.  

So one of them came up with another 'story' that may even rival the one about how I was supposedly standing and screaming at people, “You stop talking about me!”

(which never happened either but doesn't it make a good story for contemptuous people to tell so that they can compare themselves to me and feel 'superior”?)

That story was another 'interpretation' as passed along by the most recent key holder to the woman who feels she is there to speak for others since I am not capable of understanding anything she is sure she understands ever so much better.

(of course this too is all a 'covert' op so don't let on to stupid /crazy me that you know anything at all about it. Mum's the word...)This 'secret' group assessment though is why I told someone that I was sure she, who speaks for others, would be more than happy to take over looking after the other tenants interests. She seems quite sure her understanding of those interests is much better than mine so I agree she should take over. 

Back to the garden 'story.'

They decided they needed to take turns going around the side to look at it and cluck over it  and ridicule me for it and then they decided they needed to report that to the maintenance man.(who has not yet said a word either)  

 But the best part of the 'story' is this one. One of them decided,  when they all got together at the assessment session, that since no one had SEEN me removing the plants and weeds that I must have done that about “3:30 in the morning.” They then passed this story along through the usual gossip mongering chain and one of them acted it out for me. Another one then laughed when she saw me in the hall and said “and they think I am crazy...” (this last one who has an ongoing relationship with the police, now believes she is my mental superior as well, and this is, as usual, based upon the 'stories' they make up themselves and then pass along 'as if' they were actually 'reality.' Once the 'stories' are repeated by enough people, everyone accepts the fantasy of their own creation as 'reality' and then treats me 'as if' that was who I really am and something I have really done. But they don't usually tell me that, or why, DIRECTLY, because this is a 'covert op' performed by the dysfunctional group, 'in secret” so that I won't 'find out'. The same people then smile at me in the halls, give out cheery hellos most of the time, and for the life of them cannot  figure out what is wrong with me that makes me so 'unfriendly' towards them. 'They conclude that I must be 'anti-social.” (I will do a piece on the meaning of anti-social soon as well.)

Likely within a couple of days, this 'story' will also be acted out for me somewhere, like at the mall, or in the Library, or in the town square, etc. by the 'friendly' population and it will be accepted as truth. Usually I hear something like, ”Did you hear about psycho there? Apparently she was out digging in the dirt outside at three thirty in the morning.” 

Of course this is the societal behaviour which psychiatry denies exists and calls it my paranoid delusions and hallucinated conversations. That is because all these people, most of who are strangers to me (and getting stranger all the time I might add)  would have 'no reason' to behave this way. After all why would they make up such stories if it were not true? (Psychiatric Naivete Disorder)

 I want you to notice though that there IS a grain of truth in the 'stories' and there usually is too. They just get 'spun' to suit the needs of the gossiping group. Then the group members react  to their own fantasy oblivious to the fact that they are doing it. 

Reality Based Fact: I am not interested in having a garden at this point in my life for several reasons which I won't offer here. I have already talked about this with the office of the landlord and was told I had several options I could use regarding my one personal space, which were laid out for me. The one I am choosing is removal, weed killing and covering it over with wood chips. I am allowed to do this and I would like to do it without a non stop commentary and reinvention of reality from other tenants.

 
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Correcting Me and My 'Madness' By Group Consensus
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47973/25/2010 4:30:40 PM
My Strange Perceptions of Group Behaviour Among the 'Normal'
I am told that my perceptions of the behaviour of groups of, otherwise 'normal' people, is totally unrealistic and exists only in my own poor sick mind, so I am going to post my interesting...
25513/12/2010 3:15:07 PM

Let's Try and Oldie but a Goodie

 

This one too was originally stated to the psychiatric hospital staff having them some 'fun' while observing and listening to my reactions to them. I can easily expand it though to include all of the locals everywhere who have involved themselves in what they believe is a 'covert' operation;

 

“That which you are observing is observing you.”

 

If you did not need to justify yourselves by needing me to be 'less than,' you would already know that. It is perfectly obvious. 

 

 

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