...Breaking The Chains and Ending the Cycle


On Scapegoating


Dysfunctional groups of all types employ scapegoating as a means of blowing off suppressed emotions. Socially sanctioned targets are selected and used by a usually non verbal, but sometimes verbal, agreement.  This is a very effective method for releasing emotional pressure, for the whole group especially since the reason for it is denied. Better still is the tautology created which keeps it all going when the scapegoating itself is denied to exist and claimed by the group to be a perception/reaction problem the scapegoat is having which justifies the treatment of the group.

Nothing keeps a dysfunctional system going like keeping it closed to external interference or examination. The scapegoat can then be 'fixed' for complaining about his/her artificially constructed and imposed social position which has now been denied to even exist. Fixing the complainer for complaining is now socially sanctioned as well.

All escape routes are then successfully blocked.


When Does Con-fidentiality or Privacy
 Become Secrecy?


When the people keeping it all Con-fidential are doing so to protect themselves, and their own interests, while allowing their victim(s) to pay the ongoing price for it.

Ontario Provincial Police
Warns Public About Website
 March 2010

Ontario Provincial Police (OPP) in cooperation with the Ontario Corrections Intelligence Unit are warning the public about certain criminal websites possibly being used by thieves to break into your home when you are away. These websites used by criminals are linked to popular social networking websites. On these social networking websites (which are legitimate) you can update your profile to inform your friends as to when you are away from your residence and for how long. Certain criminal websites extracts this information and posts it on its pages and informs their users in any part of the world which houses are empty and at what times. When you consider how many millions of people use social networking websites around the world, the effects can be huge. The public is reminded that items posted on social networking websites are available to all on the web and not all persons on the web are “friends”. Please restrict what you put on your networking page(s) including photos of your residence/address, photos of vehicles including plate numbers and any up to the minute information as to your whereabouts, keep that for your local friends/people you know personally.


The Most Common Inappropriate Affect?


I believe that would be the laughter of the presumably ‘normal’ and sane folk as they treat the destruction of an individual’s life, mind and all around well being, as if it was entertainment.'

It is the favourite reality show for the mindless masses who consider themselves to be representational of mental ‘health.’



We Regret to Announce the Death of:
Alice Miller, Psychoanalyst, Dies at 87;  



Related Many Problems to Parental Acts
Alice Miller, a psychoanalyst who repositioned the family as a locus of dysfunction with her theory that parental power and punishment lay at the root of many human problems, died at her home in Provence on April 14. She was 87.

For full article click on the link in her name


The Answer to the Question,We Ask Our Covert Controllers-- WHY are You Doing This to Me?
Download free PDF file by clicking on the question below

How Cults Think

She has me with her part of the way in this right up until she starts the same old denial of the existence of the spirit of evil and the reframing of the problem as a PHYSICAL problem with the brain. In my opinion this TOO is part of the cult mentality and the 'no-one-can-be-blamed 'game.' It does two things at once. It blames the victims for the results (or the victims' brains or bodies ) just as it EXCUSES the aggressors and controllers for failing to accept any real responsibility for doing harm-it is this homogenized treatment of good and evil that keeps the power going and the systems like this one CLOSED.



Beth K 1/2/2010
Robert S. Mendelsohn, MD, in his book, _Confessions of a Medical Heretic_ has an entire chapter titled, "Holy War on the Family". This includes family in all senses - parents with young children, adult children and their aging parents, and between couples. I'll focus on the latter. Any relationship expert will tell you that viewing one another as equals (albeit with differences in many cases) is important. A satisfactory sexual relationship is also very important. To these two ends, medicine, especially psychiatry but it is gradually expanding into other areas, has declared war on viewing one another as equals and sex is considered a non-issue - sexuality is something that we should all be willing to just give up in deference to "treatment" for all sorts of ills. A look into the Physicians Desk Reference will show "sexual side effects" for all sorts of drugs - that's true for (nearly) all psychoactive substances, but includes some other drugs for other conditions, including asthma, cholesterol, heart medications, urological problems - including, astoundinglingly - those for prostate problems. What usually brings men to the doctor with a prostate complaint is the difficulty getting an erection! So, they then prescribe him a drug that turns "difficulty" into "impossibility". They offer other treatments that also leads to "impossibility". No matter what, the doctors just shrug this off. "What? Are you trying to get pregnant?" If so, they'll suggest other possibilities, like IVF or artificial insemination. If not, they'll say, "Older people just have to live with...". I read a little further, and find that people in their -20s- now are having these "problems older people have to live with" in rapidly increasing numbers. Then, if one persists in complaining about it, one is sent off with a prescription for Viagra (TM) at a cost of about $10 per pill, and/or a referral to a counselor. The counselor can just tell you to "adjust" to the situation. What this all fails to note is that this is a -primary- drive of any lifeform! One can go to the counselor, and have them attempt to "convince" you (and/or the non-medicated spouse) that sex is really not that important: That other things are "more important" in life and in the relationship. Okay, food, water, and shelter are more important. Safety and security might be. But, to deny that your sexual or intimate life has any meaning is, in their terms "denial". So, what is the purpose of going to a counselor in order to pursue "denial" - isn't that one of their "bad" words, and denial is to be overcome? Well, not if it's over the notion that an unnecessary or barely-necessary medical treatment has or is or will cause significant harm! Probably the worst part of this is that the problem does not end always when treatment ends. For one thing, this "treatment" may be "for the rest of your life". For another, the problem may get worse instead of better, when this "treatment" ends or is discontinued. Believing that your spouse is somehow "inferior" or "has a brain disorder" that "makes him/her (sometimes) not mean what (they) say or do" is infantilising one (or both) partners. This is not a relationship between equal adults! It is a relationship between master and slave, or between guardian and one "not responsible for their own actions". That even begs the legal question of whether or not such a person can be deemed to be "competent" to give consent any longer. Now.... just how is it that that a significant number of people have somehow consented to becoming neuter, asexual beings? How many people would agree if they are told, "This cholesterol drug will make the numbers better. It will help my physician evaluations. There's no evidence that it will decrease your odds of dying (within the next 5-10 years). There is very good evidence that it will take your sex life away from you permanently." If people were given this information in such a way they could read or understand it, people would run from such things! At the same time this is happening, the doctors themselves insist on doing numerous invasive examinations - including pelvic exams for women, and prostate exams for men, colonscopies for both sexes, and so forth. It has been shown many times that pelvic exams are next to useless for most conditions (vaginitis of an unknown type being one of them). Cancer tumors that can be felt are very advanced. Conditions such as HPV are better tested through blood tests such as the CSA-125 - which is not even being offered to women in the US. This too, puts the doctor in the middle of the marital bed. If there are any remnants of sexuality left, this divorces the whole issue from intimacy. I wonder if there are any cases where the non-medicalized spouse has sued the doctor, clinic, drug company, or pharmaceutical representative for "loss of consortium". Indeed, recklessly, deliberately, or through greed, they have caused an interruption in the intimacy between spouses. I'd be most interested in hearing of any such cases where the plaintiff has won. Alas, there are drugs that can help. There are hormones for women, and such things as Viagra (TM) for men. They MIGHT help. Or they might not. In any event, the physician controls how much sex, if any, you have or are allowed to have. There is a great deal of money being made in the destruction of such a natural activity and in its temporary restoration. Now... Why on EARTH have people allowed this to happen? Perhaps because of a cultural belief that all sex is at least questionable, if not downright evil? That asexual love is a "purer" form or a "better" type? Because of the cultural refusal to acknowledge that the previous generations to you actually engaged in the same things? Some of the above beliefs have been among beliefs in many religions, especially Christianity, Judaism, and Islam. To some degree these exist in Hinduism, Buddhism, Shinto, and others. Still, many people continued to "sin" (by whatever term) with the religion, and somehow try to make ammends for such transgressions against their God or religion. Now, it seems that the Church of Modern Medicine (as Dr. Mendelsohn calls it) has succeeded in enforcing this where all other religions have failed! Note that one feature differentiating a "cult" from any "religion" is the amount of power and control it exerts over its members. Many religions have control over one's dress or ways of making a living. Most control some amount of the members' money. Most claim at least control over blessing of marriages to make them "valid" in the community. Some of the cults though exert direct control over members' sexuality - including such groups as the Moonies, Hare Krishnas and Branch Davidians. The Church of Modern Medicine appears to have somehow taken, and convinced most people to freely give, control of their sexuality and relationships to the Church of Modern Medicine!

Assholes- The Next Generation-

             Keep performing for us

I found this book VERY helpful and I think many of my readers will too. It is not new, but new enough that it may still be available in libraries.

A Few Words and Phrases From:


Emotional Blackmail

By Susan Forward, PhD.



“Why can’t I ever get my point across?...Blackmailers can skillfully mask the pressure they are applying to us, and often, we experience it in ways that make us question our perception of what’s happening…Yet, no matter how different they appear on the surface, they all have major traits in common…

…The people we are coming up against in these can’t-win situations are skilled manipulators.


Chapter 1:

Diagnosis: Emotional Blackmail

Sub section:  What’s the real motive?

If someone’s primary goal is ‘to win…’ There’s no balance of power…


Chapter 2:

The Four Faces of Blackmail:

Punishers, Self Punishers, Sufferers and Tantalizers.


3. Their Blind Spots—and Ours

“…They genuinely believe in the correctness of what they are doing and the rightness of what they want…They tend to fuse and enmesh themselves with those around them.


Chapter 4:

(My own favourite Chapter: I feel like I could also name this one “Psychiatric Blackmail: tools of the trade’, since it fits so well)


Tools of the Trade:

Sub headings

The Spin Doctor, Confusing Labels, Making us ‘Bad’, Pathologizing, What’s Wrong with YOU?, Dangerous secrets, Enlisting Allies, Bringing in Fresh Troops, Calling on a Hidden Authority, (God, psychiatrists etc.) Negative Comparisons (to others who are ‘better’ than you because they co-operate)

‘…The ‘spin involves applying adjectives—positive ones to the blackmailer and the compliant target; negative ones to the person who resists… The experience is disorienting…we begin to internalize the blackmailer’s questions about our perceptions, our character, our worth, our desirability, our values. We are trapped in a dense FOG…We buy into the spin because we want our friends, lovers, bosses and family members to be right and good, not mean unfeeling or oppressive…


Sub Heading

It’s All About Them

…‘All the blackmailers we’ve seen are focused almost totally on THEIR needs, THEIR desires; they don’t seem to be the least bit interested in OUR needs or how their pressure is affecting us. Blackmailers can be like steamrollers when we don’t satisfy them, becoming ruthless in their single minded pursuit of their goals…It is a strange kind of love that is so blind to the target’s feelings…


Making Mountains Out of Molehills

Sub heading

Teaching us a Lesson


…’Insults an infantilizing are similarly explained away with the, ‘it’s for your own good rationale… there are attractive payoffs to clinging to this erroneous idea of punishment as training. Blackmailers can live with almost anything if they can make targets seem like dunces…In this way they can avoid any introspection…’



Old Battles, New Victims

…’the blackmailer strikes out at a target who has become a stand-in for a figure from the past…’ (this is known as acting out on a surrogate)


The Blame- Taker

…’ In fact, they [blackmailers] demand that we buy into it. If they’re displeased, we’re the problem. And our compliance with them is the solution. Under pressure from her family to recant or face exile…She had become the family scapegoat… it is not uncommon for one person to become the repository of everything that goes wrong in the family…in order to keep everyone else in balance…It is especially tough to believe your own perceptions are valid when people you love are telling you how crazy, wrong or sick you are…


A Vicious Cycle

 ..”It was a totally no-win situation…Under pressure we do something that doesn’t fit with who we are…”


Rationalizing and Justifying

“Protecting our integrity can be frightening and lonely…She did what many blackmail targets do given a choice between being true to themselves and complying with what someone else wants: she rationalized.’


The Impact on Our Well Being

‘Emotional blackmail leaves us full of unexpressed smoldering feelings.’

The Impact on the Relationship

Shutting Down

Targets of emotional blackmail become so accustomed to negative judgments disapproval, pressure and overreactions that…they are reluctant to share major parts of their lives. We stop talking about… (listed)…Just below the artificial calm that surrounds a placated blackmailer and a target who has given in, is the widening chasm that is opening between them….In a blackmail tainted situation, relationships with friends , lovers and family members that once had real depth begins to get thinner as the roster of safe topics shrinks.’

A New Dance

Be prepared for even more pressure as blackmailers try to regain their position.