A Neat Trick
By Patricia Lefave, Monophrenic
Psycho-spiritual abuse 
has a kind of self serving trick to it.
The abuser of this type which is most common, convinces him/herself that this is all right as long as the one being abused does not KNOW
s/he is being abused. This is of course the real
starting point of the 'delusion' which is in the abuser,
yet is rarely seen in that way.
To achieve the desired effect, the psycho-spiritual abuser ignores the question asked by the target of the abuse, "WHY are you doing this to me?"
You see the definition of 'this
' is the splitting
point between abuser and abused.
The abuser shifts the meaning
of the victim's question from being "why are you abusing me BY trying to get a distress reaction, through taunting and harassing me?
" to "Why are you taunting and harassing me?"
That way, the abuser can convince him/herself that s/he is the 'superior' one and that is both
the premise for his/her action AND
You see this kind of abuser believes his/her target is too 'stupid or crazy' to KNOW
or understand the perfectly obvious motivation
of the abuser. On a certain level
that may be partly true, as the victim may NOT
understand what motivates someone to so obviously enjoy
abusing others without cause. But the abuser does not understand a couple of things. One of things the abuser does not understand is that s/he is actually projecting
stupidity/insanity/lack of awareness onto his/her victim. S/he also does not understand that his/her lack of awareness, of the victim's
awareness of HIM/HER, is actually the abuser's
What most victims, myself included, have really not understood is that we cannot penetrate irrationality with rationality. Logic does not penetrate illogic. It is like speaking in two different languages
. We may be using the same WORDS
but we do not mean
the same thing. The context changes the meaning.
Dealing with abusers who ENJOY
what they do is like being in two different worlds or like being from two different planets
. When psycho-spiritual abuse victims break under pressure, which is most often when a whole group
of people get involved in these kinds of relationships with the original pair, and then they 'side' with the abuser, psychosis/breakdown may well be the result for the victim who is not being seen AS
the victim. These results often bring a happy smile to the face of the abuser with the hidden agenda. Often, only the abused and the abuser really understand why the abuser is smiling. That is when the victim's question to the abuser, "Why are you doing this to me?"
gets answered. That smile is the answer.
S/he is doing it for the feeling, the rush of POWER
s/he gets from his/her self delusion, the manipulating and controlling of the victim, often though others, in a way that no one else
understands. It makes him/her feel 'superior' to do so and that is the only 'reason' the abuser needs to justify
Reason or logic has nothing whatsoever to do with it. So when we ask him/her "why?" the abuser does not understand the question
. The abuser thinks the question itself 'proves' the victim is 'stupid/crazy and therefore 'deserving' of what s/he is getting. Self serving justification is the abuser's "game." S/he's not from our
The language of psychosis is the dream, or more often, nightmare, state which expresses this in symbolic form, from one side
of it or the other. That is why we see it as a battle between good and evil, God and the Devil, the Truth and the Lie; a kind of collective Armageddon of the souls of humanity. In it we hear all the voices of the terrified and the terrorists, the afflicted and the ones doing the afflicting. The symbolism of it though is most often very accurate
as a metaphor for concrete REALITY
, a reality that is not seen or understood by the majority
, who tell the abused one, "But so you not see? The one you claim is abusing you in some way would have no REASON to do so."
Whether you hear that statement as a positive one or a negative one depends upon your point of view and the premise of belief to which it is attached.
It is either a statement of denial
of the abuse and the negation of the victim's 'claim' that it exists...."because people are only treated
badly by others if the abuser(s) has some reason
to behave that way, therefore there is NO
abuse" or it is the assessor(s) of the situation failing
to see what is right in front of them, that "There is no REASON
in what the abuser is doing; it is irrational, and that 'reason' has nothing to do with it."
The judgement the abuse victim gets from others will depend upon the beliefs of the ones 'assessing'' and evaluating' the situation and 'reason' of the original pair. Rarely is actual concrete evidence
part of that judgement in cases of psycho-spiritual abuse. That is because when there is no physical
evidence of abuse, like blood, or broken bones, or bruises, it is hard to prove. It is hard to see something that is psycho-spiritual in nature.
Perhaps those judging it might then consider giving up any
judgement at all of one or the other, judge based on principle alone, and just assume that protection of the alleged victim would be better than labelling him/or her 'crazy' since doing the latter
may well be an act that supports and enables the abuser by blaming the victim for the abuse. You might also give up the silencing of the victims "voices" as a 'solution.' In uncertain or unclear situations, "I don't know what is going on between these two"
may just be the best
answer for both
of them. For at least that way, the victim doesn't 'lose,' the abuser doesn't 'win,' and those of you doing the assessing and evaluating don't make devastatingly destructive, or even sometimes deadly, mistakes.
The kind that is considered to be 'hard to prove"