...Breaking The Chains and Ending the Cycle


On Scapegoating


Dysfunctional groups of all types employ scapegoating as a means of blowing off suppressed emotions. Socially sanctioned targets are selected and used by a usually non verbal, but sometimes verbal, agreement.  This is a very effective method for releasing emotional pressure, for the whole group especially since the reason for it is denied. Better still is the tautology created which keeps it all going when the scapegoating itself is denied to exist and claimed by the group to be a perception/reaction problem the scapegoat is having which justifies the treatment of the group.

Nothing keeps a dysfunctional system going like keeping it closed to external interference or examination. The scapegoat can then be 'fixed' for complaining about his/her artificially constructed and imposed social position which has now been denied to even exist. Fixing the complainer for complaining is now socially sanctioned as well.

All escape routes are then successfully blocked.


When Does Con-fidentiality or Privacy
 Become Secrecy?


When the people keeping it all Con-fidential are doing so to protect themselves, and their own interests, while allowing their victim(s) to pay the ongoing price for it.

Ontario Provincial Police
Warns Public About Website
 March 2010

Ontario Provincial Police (OPP) in cooperation with the Ontario Corrections Intelligence Unit are warning the public about certain criminal websites possibly being used by thieves to break into your home when you are away. These websites used by criminals are linked to popular social networking websites. On these social networking websites (which are legitimate) you can update your profile to inform your friends as to when you are away from your residence and for how long. Certain criminal websites extracts this information and posts it on its pages and informs their users in any part of the world which houses are empty and at what times. When you consider how many millions of people use social networking websites around the world, the effects can be huge. The public is reminded that items posted on social networking websites are available to all on the web and not all persons on the web are “friends”. Please restrict what you put on your networking page(s) including photos of your residence/address, photos of vehicles including plate numbers and any up to the minute information as to your whereabouts, keep that for your local friends/people you know personally.


The Most Common Inappropriate Affect?


I believe that would be the laughter of the presumably ‘normal’ and sane folk as they treat the destruction of an individual’s life, mind and all around well being, as if it was entertainment.'

It is the favourite reality show for the mindless masses who consider themselves to be representational of mental ‘health.’



We Regret to Announce the Death of:
Alice Miller, Psychoanalyst, Dies at 87;  



Related Many Problems to Parental Acts
Alice Miller, a psychoanalyst who repositioned the family as a locus of dysfunction with her theory that parental power and punishment lay at the root of many human problems, died at her home in Provence on April 14. She was 87.

For full article click on the link in her name


The Answer to the Question,We Ask Our Covert Controllers-- WHY are You Doing This to Me?
Download free PDF file by clicking on the question below

The Blameless Delusion

This is One of the Dysfunctional Group Favourties

By Patricia Lefave, Labelled D.D.(P)

You see the 'trick" to the psychological/verbal abuse from the abuser's perspective is a rationalization that if stated in words would go something like this:

What I am doing to her/him is not really abuse as long as the one I am doing it to, is too stupid or crazy to know s/he is being abused by me. It is OK for me to behave the way I am because if s/he is too stupid/crazy to know and understand what I am doing, then s/he 'deserves' what I am giving him/her for being so stupid/crazy that she is causing it to happen. (I wouldn't be doing this to you if you weren't making me do it.)

So the abuser constructs a fantasy about his/her victim as well as about him/herself and then acts "as if" that construct was "reality."

The victim of it can "make no sense of what is happening, as what is happening makes no SENSE. It is not rational at all, despite how calm and reasonable looking, and sounding, the abuser with the hidden agenda of domination may appear to be in every other way. That is why most people are 'shocked' when that nice person next door turns out to have bodies buried in the basement. After all he always smiled at THEM and never failed to say, "Good morning."

The aggressor though with the 'secret' self serving agenda "interprets" the victim's 'confusion' or puzzled reactions as stupidity/weakness etc. because the interpretation 'proves' his/her superiority to him/herself. The aggressor projects his/her own traits which s/he fears onto his target. S/he does not want to be stupid or crazy so the target is the one who is stupid or crazy, not the aggressor. That is in fact the reason [1]s/he is doing what s/he is doing in the first place; to maintain his/her delusional beliefs about his/her superiority in understanding and/or inherent worth. Equality is never an option to this one. S/he does it for the power rush s/he gets from doing it which makes him/her FEEL better about him/herself. This type is really not big on introspection. In fact, they are often extroverts, which is considered by most people to be 'normal.'

If the aggressor is relating as superior to inferior, and the target is relating as an equal, there is NO real communication going on at all between the two despite the fact that they may be using the same words. The difference in premise of thought makes the same WORDS means something different to both parties in the relationship. Of course the targeted "inferior" first assumes good INTENTIONS at least on the part of the aggressor but by the time s/he finds out otherwise, provided s/he ever does, it is too late. By then the aggressor has led everyone else who gets involved down the proverbial garden path, often knowing full well that THEY will cover up their participation in the abuse in order to save themselves from any negative consequences. As long as the aggressor can fool everyone else involved then s/he is fine with that too. It works for him/her.

It is a totally self serving psychology which is WHY most of the victims eventually see the "circle." When they do though, and if they say so, psychiatrists are trained to hear that as a "symptom" in the victim and having nothing at all to do with the victim's experience of reality.

It is often at this point the victim knows s/he is trapped in a maze and the aggressor is often 'soothed' by those helping him/her. That is also often the point when the aggressor will look right AT the victim and smirk, eyes glowing with unconcealed amusement, for you see, victim and aggressor share the same "secret" but know one else understands that.

People who do this, and those who support the aggressors, drive individuals into psychosis by isolating them and disconnecting them from concrete reality. They never really see it, or understand it, so they invented an explanation for it by claiming that the victim suffers from a mental illness, that is a biochemical imbalance in the victim's brain, that causes him/her to 'think" s/he have been 'set up' by someone, or harmed by a group of others, when "really" s/he hasn't, and everything s/he says is all meaningless. The doctors diagnosing the victim then instructs all others involved to just ignore the victim and not to encourage him/her in her "paranoid delusions."

It is them official isn't it? The aggressor has "won' his/he domination 'game' and the only two people who know that are the aggressor and the victim. Reality has now been made the opposite of itself.

When the now diagnosed and treated victim says, "This is just evil..." the psychiatrists hear nothing but another 'symptom' contained within the defective brain of the victim, for that is what they have been TAUGHT to hear....and so they do. For you see psychiatrists have no "problems with authority."

They don't want to be seen as O.D.D.

And that folks is how "reality" IS defined by a combination of "authority and group consensus" and how the experiences of the victims are reduced to a level of MEANINGLESSNESS.

As they say in the jargon of Dale T.'s training, and as he wrote down for me when I asked him what he was doing,

In life, understanding is the booby prize.


Are you "Getting it?" if not try matching the concrete details of MY fascinating case to the metaphysical concepts of the est training as laid out in Sheridan Fenwick's Book: Getting it

The Psychology of est, published 1976.

I am sure it will be very 'enlightening' for you. It sure validated my experience.

Message off the T.V. Just for Psychiatrists

"Both sides have to work together if you are going to fix this. If you don't, both sides are going to be destroyed"

Peter had become the bridge between the two universes you see. That is how Peter solved the problem and then after recreating reality, in a new way, Peter "disappeared."

From the series Fringe, May 2011.

[1] As in "causality" not "logic"


Assholes- The Next Generation-

             Keep performing for us

I found this book VERY helpful and I think many of my readers will too. It is not new, but new enough that it may still be available in libraries.

A Few Words and Phrases From:


Emotional Blackmail

By Susan Forward, PhD.



“Why can’t I ever get my point across?...Blackmailers can skillfully mask the pressure they are applying to us, and often, we experience it in ways that make us question our perception of what’s happening…Yet, no matter how different they appear on the surface, they all have major traits in common…

…The people we are coming up against in these can’t-win situations are skilled manipulators.


Chapter 1:

Diagnosis: Emotional Blackmail

Sub section:  What’s the real motive?

If someone’s primary goal is ‘to win…’ There’s no balance of power…


Chapter 2:

The Four Faces of Blackmail:

Punishers, Self Punishers, Sufferers and Tantalizers.


3. Their Blind Spots—and Ours

“…They genuinely believe in the correctness of what they are doing and the rightness of what they want…They tend to fuse and enmesh themselves with those around them.


Chapter 4:

(My own favourite Chapter: I feel like I could also name this one “Psychiatric Blackmail: tools of the trade’, since it fits so well)


Tools of the Trade:

Sub headings

The Spin Doctor, Confusing Labels, Making us ‘Bad’, Pathologizing, What’s Wrong with YOU?, Dangerous secrets, Enlisting Allies, Bringing in Fresh Troops, Calling on a Hidden Authority, (God, psychiatrists etc.) Negative Comparisons (to others who are ‘better’ than you because they co-operate)

‘…The ‘spin involves applying adjectives—positive ones to the blackmailer and the compliant target; negative ones to the person who resists… The experience is disorienting…we begin to internalize the blackmailer’s questions about our perceptions, our character, our worth, our desirability, our values. We are trapped in a dense FOG…We buy into the spin because we want our friends, lovers, bosses and family members to be right and good, not mean unfeeling or oppressive…


Sub Heading

It’s All About Them

…‘All the blackmailers we’ve seen are focused almost totally on THEIR needs, THEIR desires; they don’t seem to be the least bit interested in OUR needs or how their pressure is affecting us. Blackmailers can be like steamrollers when we don’t satisfy them, becoming ruthless in their single minded pursuit of their goals…It is a strange kind of love that is so blind to the target’s feelings…


Making Mountains Out of Molehills

Sub heading

Teaching us a Lesson


…’Insults an infantilizing are similarly explained away with the, ‘it’s for your own good rationale… there are attractive payoffs to clinging to this erroneous idea of punishment as training. Blackmailers can live with almost anything if they can make targets seem like dunces…In this way they can avoid any introspection…’



Old Battles, New Victims

…’the blackmailer strikes out at a target who has become a stand-in for a figure from the past…’ (this is known as acting out on a surrogate)


The Blame- Taker

…’ In fact, they [blackmailers] demand that we buy into it. If they’re displeased, we’re the problem. And our compliance with them is the solution. Under pressure from her family to recant or face exile…She had become the family scapegoat… it is not uncommon for one person to become the repository of everything that goes wrong in the family…in order to keep everyone else in balance…It is especially tough to believe your own perceptions are valid when people you love are telling you how crazy, wrong or sick you are…


A Vicious Cycle

 ..”It was a totally no-win situation…Under pressure we do something that doesn’t fit with who we are…”


Rationalizing and Justifying

“Protecting our integrity can be frightening and lonely…She did what many blackmail targets do given a choice between being true to themselves and complying with what someone else wants: she rationalized.’


The Impact on Our Well Being

‘Emotional blackmail leaves us full of unexpressed smoldering feelings.’

The Impact on the Relationship

Shutting Down

Targets of emotional blackmail become so accustomed to negative judgments disapproval, pressure and overreactions that…they are reluctant to share major parts of their lives. We stop talking about… (listed)…Just below the artificial calm that surrounds a placated blackmailer and a target who has given in, is the widening chasm that is opening between them….In a blackmail tainted situation, relationships with friends , lovers and family members that once had real depth begins to get thinner as the roster of safe topics shrinks.’

A New Dance

Be prepared for even more pressure as blackmailers try to regain their position.