...Breaking The Chains and Ending the Cycle


On Scapegoating


Dysfunctional groups of all types employ scapegoating as a means of blowing off suppressed emotions. Socially sanctioned targets are selected and used by a usually non verbal, but sometimes verbal, agreement.  This is a very effective method for releasing emotional pressure, for the whole group especially since the reason for it is denied. Better still is the tautology created which keeps it all going when the scapegoating itself is denied to exist and claimed by the group to be a perception/reaction problem the scapegoat is having which justifies the treatment of the group.

Nothing keeps a dysfunctional system going like keeping it closed to external interference or examination. The scapegoat can then be 'fixed' for complaining about his/her artificially constructed and imposed social position which has now been denied to even exist. Fixing the complainer for complaining is now socially sanctioned as well.

All escape routes are then successfully blocked.


When Does Con-fidentiality or Privacy
 Become Secrecy?


When the people keeping it all Con-fidential are doing so to protect themselves, and their own interests, while allowing their victim(s) to pay the ongoing price for it.

Ontario Provincial Police
Warns Public About Website
 March 2010

Ontario Provincial Police (OPP) in cooperation with the Ontario Corrections Intelligence Unit are warning the public about certain criminal websites possibly being used by thieves to break into your home when you are away. These websites used by criminals are linked to popular social networking websites. On these social networking websites (which are legitimate) you can update your profile to inform your friends as to when you are away from your residence and for how long. Certain criminal websites extracts this information and posts it on its pages and informs their users in any part of the world which houses are empty and at what times. When you consider how many millions of people use social networking websites around the world, the effects can be huge. The public is reminded that items posted on social networking websites are available to all on the web and not all persons on the web are “friends”. Please restrict what you put on your networking page(s) including photos of your residence/address, photos of vehicles including plate numbers and any up to the minute information as to your whereabouts, keep that for your local friends/people you know personally.


The Most Common Inappropriate Affect?


I believe that would be the laughter of the presumably ‘normal’ and sane folk as they treat the destruction of an individual’s life, mind and all around well being, as if it was entertainment.'

It is the favourite reality show for the mindless masses who consider themselves to be representational of mental ‘health.’



We Regret to Announce the Death of:
Alice Miller, Psychoanalyst, Dies at 87;  



Related Many Problems to Parental Acts
Alice Miller, a psychoanalyst who repositioned the family as a locus of dysfunction with her theory that parental power and punishment lay at the root of many human problems, died at her home in Provence on April 14. She was 87.

For full article click on the link in her name


The Answer to the Question,We Ask Our Covert Controllers-- WHY are You Doing This to Me?
Download free PDF file by clicking on the question below

The Vital Secrecy

By Patricia Lefave, Monophrenic

The delusions of "concealment," the "hiding in plain sight" bit is vital to the continuation of group abuse, especially psychological abuse which has no PHYSICAL evidence to prove its existence most of the time.

The secrecy is part of the group delusion used to engage in pseudo "bonding" at the expense of an "inferior" who is not like "us."

Ironically, that too is often a true statement as the targeted "inferior" very often is not at all like the group members. It is the presumption of who is "normal" (D.B.D.) and who is "abnormal" (sees the one with D.B.D. Splitting and Projecting and, of course, denying. It is this pseudo "concealment" that keeps this going in dysfunctional groups by supporting, enabling and reinforcing the group delusion.

Psychiatrists like to ask, as though showing "us" that we just "imagine" all of this, "but WHY would a group of people behave this way and WHY would they attack you when they don't even know you as they would have "no reason to do so"?? Yes. We DO see they have "no reason." It's irrational. But we ALSO see that they have a reason. (payoff or goal) in doing it. It makes them FEEL better about themselves to FEEL superior to someone they can target TOGETHER, you know? Like gangs and mobs? They like targets who either have no idea what the group members are doing, or about whom the group members can convince themselves s/he "deserves" what is being done to him or her.

It is a self fulfilling prophecy. Someone as "stupid" or "crazy" as that isn't going to have any idea what "we" are doing, or saying, about him or her anyway. So "we" can justify it to ourselves by using that ages old excuse, "what you don't know can't hurt you."

That of course is ALSO why their inferiors are not "allowed" to tell them anything they would rather not know, nor ask them any questions they don't like. For after all, if the "covert ops" are revealed to one and all, then the 'game" is over, and if it ends, there goes the emotional "fix," the group catharsis, which is obtained by playing it.

There is a kind of group delusion of grandeur going in this game.

The Fascinating Psycho-Social Group Dynamic of Chronic Gossips

One of the most fascinating things about the chronic gossips, most of their gossip of course being of the negative, invalidating type, is that they usually manage to have "no idea" how their targets "found out" that they were talking about them. After all, each and every person to whom they told all the latest, and each and every person they, in turn, told and kept passing along, were told, and agreed, to keep it all "secret." That being the case, the fault MUST lie in the one they are gossiping about...ANOTHER terrible character flaw in that one!

Then of course they go right out and gossip about it with all the other gossips, who are told, of course, to keep it all secret...keeping gossip secret is bloody hard work isn't it? Don't laugh! The gossips might decide you are crazy too if you do! Then, they will start talking about you to other people who are complete strangers to you, and, if you say that you are aware of that, it will then prove you are crazy, just as they suggested.

You see, the key to understanding the successfully deluded folks, the ones who are NOT upset about themselves and who don't think there is anything wrong with them, those who often NEVER get a psychiatric label is to recognize their magical thinking. It goes like this: if they don't admit, that they are who they are, doing what they do, those they are doing it to, won't really know they are doing it, even if they say they do know. Got that?

It is a bit of a convoluted trip but just think tautology, circling back on itself, so that everyone just keeps going around in the same circle, over and over again. What good does that do you may ask? [1] Well the beauty of that is that eventually, after trying to penetrate the irrationality of it, the one defined as "inferior" will get tired , or bored, or frustrated or pissed off and just give up. When you give up, the self deluded group members "win" the contest they think they are in. It makes them feel "superior" to think they "won." that is why so many of them like to tell others, "you must let it go...let it go..." because when you DO, they "win."

It is like they say to themselves, "if I don't admit that this perfectly obvious reality exists, then it won't really exist and the person who tells me that it does exist will be the crazy one for seeing it.

Or another common magical idea is, "I don't have to be a victim if I don't choose to be."

This magic spell makes the fearful ones feel safe and also makes them feel delusionally powerful, like they can control the world all around them. Of course, in order to make that seem "real" the opposite must exist also. If someone else is victimized they must have "chosen" to be a victim, otherwise it could not have happened. This is the nature of the "magic circle." One steps inside it and "hides" from reality. Understand? It is like the rapist who says his target was sending out "rape me" signals and so that is why he did it because "really" she wanted him to rape her."

See? Magic Tautology.

Once you understand the magic circles, you will find that you are not anywhere near as confused with the presumably "normal" as you were before you understood it.

I hope you can now understand why the delusions of "secrecy" are vital to the continuance of the group "game." If the group members allow themselves to know that the targeted individual actually knows what the group is doing, or at least knows MOST of it, it just ruins all their "fun." No "fun"- no group catharsis, and then what will they all do with all of that suppressed emotion they have stuffed down, so they can SMILE all the time no matter what the hell is going on in reality?

[1] Slipping into logic by force of habit...


Assholes- The Next Generation-

             Keep performing for us

I found this book VERY helpful and I think many of my readers will too. It is not new, but new enough that it may still be available in libraries.

A Few Words and Phrases From:


Emotional Blackmail

By Susan Forward, PhD.



“Why can’t I ever get my point across?...Blackmailers can skillfully mask the pressure they are applying to us, and often, we experience it in ways that make us question our perception of what’s happening…Yet, no matter how different they appear on the surface, they all have major traits in common…

…The people we are coming up against in these can’t-win situations are skilled manipulators.


Chapter 1:

Diagnosis: Emotional Blackmail

Sub section:  What’s the real motive?

If someone’s primary goal is ‘to win…’ There’s no balance of power…


Chapter 2:

The Four Faces of Blackmail:

Punishers, Self Punishers, Sufferers and Tantalizers.


3. Their Blind Spots—and Ours

“…They genuinely believe in the correctness of what they are doing and the rightness of what they want…They tend to fuse and enmesh themselves with those around them.


Chapter 4:

(My own favourite Chapter: I feel like I could also name this one “Psychiatric Blackmail: tools of the trade’, since it fits so well)


Tools of the Trade:

Sub headings

The Spin Doctor, Confusing Labels, Making us ‘Bad’, Pathologizing, What’s Wrong with YOU?, Dangerous secrets, Enlisting Allies, Bringing in Fresh Troops, Calling on a Hidden Authority, (God, psychiatrists etc.) Negative Comparisons (to others who are ‘better’ than you because they co-operate)

‘…The ‘spin involves applying adjectives—positive ones to the blackmailer and the compliant target; negative ones to the person who resists… The experience is disorienting…we begin to internalize the blackmailer’s questions about our perceptions, our character, our worth, our desirability, our values. We are trapped in a dense FOG…We buy into the spin because we want our friends, lovers, bosses and family members to be right and good, not mean unfeeling or oppressive…


Sub Heading

It’s All About Them

…‘All the blackmailers we’ve seen are focused almost totally on THEIR needs, THEIR desires; they don’t seem to be the least bit interested in OUR needs or how their pressure is affecting us. Blackmailers can be like steamrollers when we don’t satisfy them, becoming ruthless in their single minded pursuit of their goals…It is a strange kind of love that is so blind to the target’s feelings…


Making Mountains Out of Molehills

Sub heading

Teaching us a Lesson


…’Insults an infantilizing are similarly explained away with the, ‘it’s for your own good rationale… there are attractive payoffs to clinging to this erroneous idea of punishment as training. Blackmailers can live with almost anything if they can make targets seem like dunces…In this way they can avoid any introspection…’



Old Battles, New Victims

…’the blackmailer strikes out at a target who has become a stand-in for a figure from the past…’ (this is known as acting out on a surrogate)


The Blame- Taker

…’ In fact, they [blackmailers] demand that we buy into it. If they’re displeased, we’re the problem. And our compliance with them is the solution. Under pressure from her family to recant or face exile…She had become the family scapegoat… it is not uncommon for one person to become the repository of everything that goes wrong in the family…in order to keep everyone else in balance…It is especially tough to believe your own perceptions are valid when people you love are telling you how crazy, wrong or sick you are…


A Vicious Cycle

 ..”It was a totally no-win situation…Under pressure we do something that doesn’t fit with who we are…”


Rationalizing and Justifying

“Protecting our integrity can be frightening and lonely…She did what many blackmail targets do given a choice between being true to themselves and complying with what someone else wants: she rationalized.’


The Impact on Our Well Being

‘Emotional blackmail leaves us full of unexpressed smoldering feelings.’

The Impact on the Relationship

Shutting Down

Targets of emotional blackmail become so accustomed to negative judgments disapproval, pressure and overreactions that…they are reluctant to share major parts of their lives. We stop talking about… (listed)…Just below the artificial calm that surrounds a placated blackmailer and a target who has given in, is the widening chasm that is opening between them….In a blackmail tainted situation, relationships with friends , lovers and family members that once had real depth begins to get thinner as the roster of safe topics shrinks.’

A New Dance

Be prepared for even more pressure as blackmailers try to regain their position.