...Breaking The Chains and Ending the Cycle


On Scapegoating


Dysfunctional groups of all types employ scapegoating as a means of blowing off suppressed emotions. Socially sanctioned targets are selected and used by a usually non verbal, but sometimes verbal, agreement.  This is a very effective method for releasing emotional pressure, for the whole group especially since the reason for it is denied. Better still is the tautology created which keeps it all going when the scapegoating itself is denied to exist and claimed by the group to be a perception/reaction problem the scapegoat is having which justifies the treatment of the group.

Nothing keeps a dysfunctional system going like keeping it closed to external interference or examination. The scapegoat can then be 'fixed' for complaining about his/her artificially constructed and imposed social position which has now been denied to even exist. Fixing the complainer for complaining is now socially sanctioned as well.

All escape routes are then successfully blocked.


When Does Con-fidentiality or Privacy
 Become Secrecy?


When the people keeping it all Con-fidential are doing so to protect themselves, and their own interests, while allowing their victim(s) to pay the ongoing price for it.

Ontario Provincial Police
Warns Public About Website
 March 2010

Ontario Provincial Police (OPP) in cooperation with the Ontario Corrections Intelligence Unit are warning the public about certain criminal websites possibly being used by thieves to break into your home when you are away. These websites used by criminals are linked to popular social networking websites. On these social networking websites (which are legitimate) you can update your profile to inform your friends as to when you are away from your residence and for how long. Certain criminal websites extracts this information and posts it on its pages and informs their users in any part of the world which houses are empty and at what times. When you consider how many millions of people use social networking websites around the world, the effects can be huge. The public is reminded that items posted on social networking websites are available to all on the web and not all persons on the web are “friends”. Please restrict what you put on your networking page(s) including photos of your residence/address, photos of vehicles including plate numbers and any up to the minute information as to your whereabouts, keep that for your local friends/people you know personally.


The Most Common Inappropriate Affect?


I believe that would be the laughter of the presumably ‘normal’ and sane folk as they treat the destruction of an individual’s life, mind and all around well being, as if it was entertainment.'

It is the favourite reality show for the mindless masses who consider themselves to be representational of mental ‘health.’



We Regret to Announce the Death of:
Alice Miller, Psychoanalyst, Dies at 87;  



Related Many Problems to Parental Acts
Alice Miller, a psychoanalyst who repositioned the family as a locus of dysfunction with her theory that parental power and punishment lay at the root of many human problems, died at her home in Provence on April 14. She was 87.

For full article click on the link in her name


The Answer to the Question,We Ask Our Covert Controllers-- WHY are You Doing This to Me?
Download free PDF file by clicking on the question below

“You Say You've Got Herpes...

....and you think you got it from that Pat Lefave do you?"

This is out of the latest performance by the genius who used to stand beside a partner (now deceased) acting out in contempt outside Woolworth's, muttering and performing during the Homewood staff/bus driver "fun"

(which by the way was discussed by Woolworth's staff also)

,,,and although that partner in contempt is long gone now, he always manages to find a new one to help him with his verbally abusive, self righteous, hateful act. They find this to be an ongoing form of "fun" and giving me what they have decided I "deserve" after hearing all about me during their own stays in the Homewood addictions unit, or from those who still bring all of the latest news out of Homewood, often into the public housing complexes, for sharing with all their good buddies.

This is also what the Homewood personnel who started it all back in 93 with the est-ee nurse, claims does not really exist "out here in the world of reality." For you see, these people would "have no reason" to behave this way which apparently "proves" to the majority of psychiatrists and the mental health pros who follow their lead, that the group behaviour simply does not exist.

It does not take much of an understanding to see the circular argument created in that does it? But I digress, so back to the current performance by Jack the Jerk. (not his real name)

Jack, is well known here by cops also. (aren't you?) In any case, he likes to put on a show of slander whenever he spots me walking down a street and he gets his buddies to help him perform in his act. I am sure that if you go to the drop in centre, or for the free meals at the church, or just hang around the town square with him and his good buddies, he will be there to share his witty repartee and clever abuse with his fellow, righteously indignant, and of course "superior" pals...har har har....but I wanted to share this great performance of June 15th, with everyone who misses the opportunities he uses for his "shout outs" cause THIS guy is a real hoot and a half.

This is the new/latest version of me and my supposed sexuality, (or sometimes absence of it) which is as varied as it can get, depending upon the story telling of the hour, with which these guys always seem to be constantly obsessed. This also tells us something about them and their own arrested development, so if you know this guy and what he has said before, you might get a bit "confused" by the obvious contradictions. But then you're not supposed to be making any kind if sense of this either as "sense" has nothing whatsoever to do with it.

Guys like these usually have a couple of purposes behind what they do and say and there is a KIND of anti logic to it as well, but basically it is all about them and THEIR need to feel "normal" and usually "superior" and like in est, they "validate themselves BY invalidating the other point of view." In other words they step on others to bring themselves "up." This makes them feel falsely powerful and that is what they are all about. People who "secretly" feel powerless want to feel powerful, which they often accomplish for themselves by "secret" means as well. These are the Splitters of the dysfunctional world.

So this jerk and his friends are now going to spread a little more slander and this time it is to suggest I have herpes. I don't of course. This is being done for the power and the jack ass style "fun" of it.

So they did this: The buddy used in Jack's routine this time shouts from across the street, "You have herpes and you think you got it from Pat Lefave?"

"Yes, Jack yells back (because they are both profoundly deaf apparently) I think that is where I got it."

Now, me, Jack and his ass-hole buddy of course ALL know that whether or not Jack ACTUALLYhas herpes, Jack did not get it from me since Jack in fact, does not actually even know me. This is "the game."1

Interesting that Jack suggests in his answer that he "thinks" that is where he got herpes which also suggests that he is spending a lot of time hooking up with a lot of herpes infected people so he can't be SURE where he got it. Does his longtime, of and on again, girlfriend know about this? Of course I don't think Jack is all that self aware so he won't see the humour in that yelled response.

It is convincing others, third parties, that I am the one with the problem for my awareness of this and NOT them, for behaving the way they do.

So why do this?

There are a couple of reasons usually. Immediately of course, Jack hopes to upset me and that I will react with distress about his false accusations. Perhaps I will ask him WHY he is doing it, or how can he talk about me like that or why is he lying? But I don't need to ask why. I already know this. I find him, and his behaviour, along with that of his like minded "friend," idiotic as always. I sort of stopped and looked at the pair of them across the street, watching them delude themselves that they are doing me harm, which on a certain level they are, of course, and watching them obtain the usual satisfaction that ass-holes get from BEING ass-holes; while I watch, knowing that they have NO IDEA what obvious idiots and jerks they are to me and people like me who have to put up with their near, brain dead, shit all day. This is who they are and what they do every bloody day of their short, mindless lives. Everybody who knows them, including cops, knows that too. The only people who don't get how idiotic they really are is THEM; and they reinforce the idiocy in each other as part of the dysfunctional "bonding" routine.

As I have said though, and I especially want those they treat that way, to understand this; you can't "reason" with that, because reason or logic has nothing to do with it and logic does not penetrate that kind of irrationality.

There was a time in my past when I would have asked them, WHY are you doing this to me, or HOW can you treat people like this?

At one time I would have asked because I did not understand the answer. Later, I would have asked because I thought that if I asked them, I could get them to actually THINK about what they were doing, and the problems they caused for others. I assumed then that they did not really understand that or they would not be behaving that way if they did. But that is not who I am or what I understand about this now. People like this DO this because this is who THEY are and I am nothing more to them than a kind of prop in their dysfunctional "play" about themselves. It is all about them and it always HAS been and that is the way they want it. It is self delusion on a grand(iose) scale.

Jack acts out like a Jackass because Jack is a Jackass and Jack's' aspiration in life is to be the best damned Jackass he can.

The only way you can ever really deal with a Jackass is to support their desire and ongoing efforts to be the best damned jackasses they can. That's all they really want and for most of them, they focus on it like a dog with an old bone, and will aim for that, right up to the moment they draw their last breath...which is very often much sooner than those who are less talented at being Jackasses than they are.

So Jack, keep your big story telling, mouth open and tell everyone you can, everywhere you hang out all day, mocking, ridiculing and slandering people every day of your sorry life, including all those you don't actually know, for as long as you can. I think everyone in town should have the opportunity to watch you and listen to you, as an important part of their own learning experience. Maybe if you do it openly enough, for long enough, even the buddies you get to help you perform will start to notice that this routine you so love is making them look like idiots too.

If even ONE of them is moved to change his, or her, own mind by really seeing and hearing what you do, and understanding why you do it and how pathetic that is, then that will mean that your life produced something good and that it made a real difference, in what turns out to be a positve way, that you lived at all.

That is, when you come right down to it, all any of us can hope for as a result of our short, finite existence.

I like to find the silver lining in every event, including ass-holes shouting out insults and slander at me from across the street. I admit of course that sometimes it is harder to do than at other times. Still, it CAN be done. We don't have to take the bait, at least not in the WAY they want it taken. Bear in mind though that we also can't say nothing. We have to find a way to say SOMETHING. (like this way for example) That is because silence to them, implies acceptance of abuse, or helplessness/hopelessness and that keeps them going, as that is what they want.

Abuse victims: embrace the slander, put it under a microscope, examine it closely and understand the motivations behind it and the payoffs received by those producing it. It's not really about you at all. REAL understanding will set you free. It takes the aggressor's power away from him/her, because that power is sustained by creating confusion, emotional distress and of course, mostly it is done in "secrecy."

Remember that abusive behaviour is not really a show of strength-it is a demonstration of psycho-spiritual weakness and it is there for all to see. All they have to do is LOOK.

Once seen the ass-holes of the world will give up their "game" as the LAST thing they want is to be seen for what they really are. Remember that this is all about a payoff for them and that their victims are all but irrelevant to them so stop trying to reason with them and just help them bewho they are, including talking publicly about what they are getting out of it.

Oh one last thing, Jack? Do you REALLY want to attract all this attention to yourself? You see, the local police read my website as they want to be sure that my est-ee protagonist is being kept safe from ME so that means they also watch me and all the people AROUND me too.....ya know? Just thinking that if I were in YOUR position right now, I think I would try to get myself and my big mouth under control. But...that's just me. I am not tough superior and clever like you.

You do whatever you think is going to get you the best payoff...as usual.


1On the meta level this parallels the est-ee nurse and his buddies on the job claiming there is no est exercise going and he has no idea what I am talking about and it also parallels my father and his "covert" meetings which he then told third parties he knew nothing at all about either. And "really" could all these "normal" people be liars in the same kind of way? (yes. This is the dysfunctional game on the meta level. It is about defining my reality by "authority and group consensus" just as it states INSIDE the secret est training.


Assholes- The Next Generation-

             Keep performing for us

I found this book VERY helpful and I think many of my readers will too. It is not new, but new enough that it may still be available in libraries.

A Few Words and Phrases From:


Emotional Blackmail

By Susan Forward, PhD.



“Why can’t I ever get my point across?...Blackmailers can skillfully mask the pressure they are applying to us, and often, we experience it in ways that make us question our perception of what’s happening…Yet, no matter how different they appear on the surface, they all have major traits in common…

…The people we are coming up against in these can’t-win situations are skilled manipulators.


Chapter 1:

Diagnosis: Emotional Blackmail

Sub section:  What’s the real motive?

If someone’s primary goal is ‘to win…’ There’s no balance of power…


Chapter 2:

The Four Faces of Blackmail:

Punishers, Self Punishers, Sufferers and Tantalizers.


3. Their Blind Spots—and Ours

“…They genuinely believe in the correctness of what they are doing and the rightness of what they want…They tend to fuse and enmesh themselves with those around them.


Chapter 4:

(My own favourite Chapter: I feel like I could also name this one “Psychiatric Blackmail: tools of the trade’, since it fits so well)


Tools of the Trade:

Sub headings

The Spin Doctor, Confusing Labels, Making us ‘Bad’, Pathologizing, What’s Wrong with YOU?, Dangerous secrets, Enlisting Allies, Bringing in Fresh Troops, Calling on a Hidden Authority, (God, psychiatrists etc.) Negative Comparisons (to others who are ‘better’ than you because they co-operate)

‘…The ‘spin involves applying adjectives—positive ones to the blackmailer and the compliant target; negative ones to the person who resists… The experience is disorienting…we begin to internalize the blackmailer’s questions about our perceptions, our character, our worth, our desirability, our values. We are trapped in a dense FOG…We buy into the spin because we want our friends, lovers, bosses and family members to be right and good, not mean unfeeling or oppressive…


Sub Heading

It’s All About Them

…‘All the blackmailers we’ve seen are focused almost totally on THEIR needs, THEIR desires; they don’t seem to be the least bit interested in OUR needs or how their pressure is affecting us. Blackmailers can be like steamrollers when we don’t satisfy them, becoming ruthless in their single minded pursuit of their goals…It is a strange kind of love that is so blind to the target’s feelings…


Making Mountains Out of Molehills

Sub heading

Teaching us a Lesson


…’Insults an infantilizing are similarly explained away with the, ‘it’s for your own good rationale… there are attractive payoffs to clinging to this erroneous idea of punishment as training. Blackmailers can live with almost anything if they can make targets seem like dunces…In this way they can avoid any introspection…’



Old Battles, New Victims

…’the blackmailer strikes out at a target who has become a stand-in for a figure from the past…’ (this is known as acting out on a surrogate)


The Blame- Taker

…’ In fact, they [blackmailers] demand that we buy into it. If they’re displeased, we’re the problem. And our compliance with them is the solution. Under pressure from her family to recant or face exile…She had become the family scapegoat… it is not uncommon for one person to become the repository of everything that goes wrong in the family…in order to keep everyone else in balance…It is especially tough to believe your own perceptions are valid when people you love are telling you how crazy, wrong or sick you are…


A Vicious Cycle

 ..”It was a totally no-win situation…Under pressure we do something that doesn’t fit with who we are…”


Rationalizing and Justifying

“Protecting our integrity can be frightening and lonely…She did what many blackmail targets do given a choice between being true to themselves and complying with what someone else wants: she rationalized.’


The Impact on Our Well Being

‘Emotional blackmail leaves us full of unexpressed smoldering feelings.’

The Impact on the Relationship

Shutting Down

Targets of emotional blackmail become so accustomed to negative judgments disapproval, pressure and overreactions that…they are reluctant to share major parts of their lives. We stop talking about… (listed)…Just below the artificial calm that surrounds a placated blackmailer and a target who has given in, is the widening chasm that is opening between them….In a blackmail tainted situation, relationships with friends , lovers and family members that once had real depth begins to get thinner as the roster of safe topics shrinks.’

A New Dance

Be prepared for even more pressure as blackmailers try to regain their position.