Hallucinating Reality

My Very Own Paranoid Delusions and 'Imaginary' Conversations

Observing, Assessing and Evaluating Crazy Me:
One of Those "Cries for 'Help'"

Even More 'Fun'

I thought it might be even more ‘fun’ for the locals to get right into my personal space in a way that would not be possible for them to do just by pushing and shoving their way in, and then passing all they can get along as interpretive gossip. (not that any of them DO that of course!) So, bearing in mind that I have been told by experts that none of my personal experience of reality, as I perceive it, is ‘real,’ I thought that I would share my erroneous perceptions and reactions (‘affects’, which are not feelings like you have) right here on this page, with all of you. This way, you who are not ‘sick’ can enjoy observing and assessing someone who is told she is sick, but who will not accept it. 

Now remember I am going to write this “AS IF” this were reality so that those of you who know you are not brain disordered as I am, can really see what it is like to be at the mercy of one’s poor sick brain and yet believe that people actually DO behave this way and that it is in fact very common. To complete my disclaimer here then: 

 On this page, Any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental or another sign of my inherently defective personality. Therefore, please do not worry that anyone else is ever going to be held in any way accountable for any of it. 



My Paranoid Stories of life in my city will appear here below so do get involved in this educational experience...Don't worry, (not that you would) as no real names will be used here since none of these people are really guilty of anything anyway...so how could they be?

Invalidation and Control

  •  12/1/2014
  •   Lefave, Patricia
  •    views
To all of you local superior minds and 'covert' controllers and 'story' tellers. Have your group-think sessions of the last twenty years or so come up with any theories on the meaning of 'genuine direct communication' yet, or are you still in committee on that particular mystery? How about this mystery phrase, 'Shut up; shut the hell up'? Got any well educated ideas on that one? Oh. I am sorry. Am I upsetting the apple cart, opening up a can of worms, or rocking the boat, the good ship Hamilton ...
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What I am Hallucinating Today

  •  9/22/2014
  •   Lefave, Patricia
  •    views
Phrases of the Week From other tenants and city employees: “All that over something so simple.” (repeat, repeat, repeat..... ad nauseum...but don't worry as none of this is discussed directly with me as it has never been for 21 years now. After all everyone must take care of his or her own interests mustn’t they? You see “simple” works on those hooked by the simple minded need to feel ”superior.” psychopath leaders control the masses by appealing to their “superiority” to those who need to...
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About Two Years Ago

  •  7/18/2014
  •   Lefave, Patricia
  •    views
A woman I did not know asked her companion, after pointing me out, “That's her....can you imagine what it would be like to have everyone focused on you all the time”? My Answer: (were I “allowed” to have one...) “I don't have to imagine it. I am experiencing it.” Oh...wait now...no I'm not either...I am only SAYING I am experiencing it to “seek attention” or I am just exaggerating like all of “them” (usually also just to seek attention) or I ACTUALLY BELIEVE, I am experiencing this ...
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The Ongoing Discussion and Debate

  •  7/17/2014
  •   Lefave, Patricia
  •    views
...by people I don't actually know, who don't actually know me but who continue, to assess and evaluate my life, thoughts and motives FOR me from a nice safe, distant away, still transforming my experience of reality as defined by group consensus into one that makes them 'always right and never wrong...' Currently they are still working out my age for me , ('these people just think they can do anything they like!' I represent 'these people' ) and the news I have repeated for them that I have n...
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Repeat Rounds of....

  •  7/7/2014
  •   Lefave, Patricia
  •    views
'Why is she so angry'??? What's the big deal?...she says herself it has been twenty years.... Why doesn't she let it go? Why doesn't she speak up about it? I wonder if she is that older woman who lives in our building? (cheap housing used by students, the working poor, the psychiatrized, the addicted and the old and poor.) SHE seems pretty nasty. (almost always viewed as self contained 'conditions, disorders or syndromes,' with nothing to do with external reality or other people. Why don'...
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Out of Dale's est Training

  •  6/18/2014
  •   Lefave, Patricia
  •    views
'Let me see your fear' ...' What I want to see is how afraid you are..' 'What I want to see is a real evidence based investigation...' what I want to see is a good detective asking the people allegedly involved in all the 'fun' some real questions and to tell them that they will be charged with obstruction if they don't co-operate with it..... If you think this is the first time I have told people this, think again. It was dealt with by 'transforming' my experience of reality into a mental i...
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Current Blog Article: Invalidation and Control

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Perhaps the Locals Would Like to Express Their Various Opinions and Disdain Here...
You could use this as a gathering point for all of the latest rumours and talk it over right in front of me like I am not even here.....in other words just keep right on behaving the same way which I already 'think' you behave, without needing to be running all over town looking for your contacts to get all the latest. Someone be sure to tell the shoe salesman, in the downtown mall and the bus drivers so they don't have to depend upon accidental contacts... OK?

I have an idea...Why don't you name the post above to which you are responding and then all the other critics will be able to find them easier?
My Strange Perceptions of Group Behaviour Among the 'Normal'

I am told that my perceptions of the behaviour of groups of, otherwise 'normal' people, is totally unrealistic and exists only in my own poor sick mind, so I am going to post my interesting perceptions and reactions here and all of you; locals, the psychiatrized, the presumably normal, or mental illness professionals, police officers now acting as the thought police, my ex physician who joined in etc.,  should all feel free to comment on it and offer your own experiences and assessments from the various points of view involved.

Just follow the few rules above and focus on me, and me alone, or else speak in the first person singular out of your own experience. Do not attack or argue with anyone else who chooses to post on this list.

Note: You can't post unless you are registered to the site with an e-mail address but those of you who want to remain 'concealed' could always use a pseudonym couldn't you?

My fascinating paranoid delusions and hallucinated conversations will appear as posts in the blog above this message board. So, ready, set... assess


Let's Try and Oldie but a Goodie


This one too was originally stated to the psychiatric hospital staff having them some 'fun' while observing and listening to my reactions to them. I can easily expand it though to include all of the locals everywhere who have involved themselves in what they believe is a 'covert' operation;


“That which you are observing is observing you.”


If you did not need to justify yourselves by needing me to be 'less than,' you would already know that. It is perfectly obvious.