Hallucinating Reality

My Very Own Paranoid Delusions and 'Imaginary' Conversations

Observing, Assessing and Evaluating Crazy Me:
One of Those "Cries for 'Help'"

Even More 'Fun'

I thought it might be even more ‘fun’ for the locals to get right into my personal space in a way that would not be possible for them to do just by pushing and shoving their way in, and then passing all they can get along as interpretive gossip. (not that any of them DO that of course!) So, bearing in mind that I have been told by experts that none of my personal experience of reality, as I perceive it, is ‘real,’ I thought that I would share my erroneous perceptions and reactions (‘affects’, which are not feelings like you have) right here on this page, with all of you. This way, you who are not ‘sick’ can enjoy observing and assessing someone who is told she is sick, but who will not accept it. 

Now remember I am going to write this “AS IF” this were reality so that those of you who know you are not brain disordered as I am, can really see what it is like to be at the mercy of one’s poor sick brain and yet believe that people actually DO behave this way and that it is in fact very common. To complete my disclaimer here then: 

 On this page, Any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental or another sign of my inherently defective personality. Therefore, please do not worry that anyone else is ever going to be held in any way accountable for any of it. 



My Paranoid Stories of life in my city will appear here below so do get involved in this educational experience...Don't worry, (not that you would) as no real names will be used here since none of these people are really guilty of anything anyway...so how could they be?

What I am Hallucinating Today

Phrases of the Week

From other tenants and city employees:

"All that over something so simple."

(repeat, repeat, repeat..... ad nauseum...but don't worry as none of this is discussed directly with me as it has never been for 21 years now. After all everyone must take care of his or her own interests mustn't they? You see "simple" works on those hooked by the simple minded need to feel "superior." psychopath leaders control the masses by appealing to their "superiority" to those who need to be brought under CONTROL. Of course simple direct statements don't penetrate that because the superior people really don't WANT to know how easily they can be controlled by appealing to their simple egos. So the truth about such groups gets killed and buried and doing so protects and "hides" the perpetrator as planned

Next phrase: "She already HAS a boyfriend."

and "That's her secret boyfriend. "

I don't have a boyfriend other than my imaginary one- Gil Grissom.

So stop assessing the situation. There is NO situation to assess other than the one in your group-think minds. As I have stated before; this group abuse bit is based on something simple. Yet resolving it is anything BUT easy. Simple and easy are not the same thing.

"Its just horrifying."

Yes. It is. And that is true for everyone who gets put through this, who gets treated this way by groups, whether the group-think abuse and acting out is given an official NAME or not.

As a Matter of Interest

For all the Observers and Assessors, still working out my reality FOR me.

Among the "covert" operators around the apartment complex is a woman who likes to engage third parties in the ongoing amused contempt she likes to direct toward me. Recently, those she has previously engaged in ridiculing me, often from a few feet away, (which as a regular part of her "covert" behaviour with many) have begun to connect together to talk about HER and her contemptuous commentary. "Fascinating" isn't it? It is unlikely that she is aware of this. Those who act out "covertly" themselves rarely are. (half a dozen tenants in the complex are going to think I mean them...) so to "find out" which one I mean, do what you always do and engage in more "covert" prying to see "what you can find out." Now don't forget to preface all your gossip with..."don't let on you got this from me, but.....")

Current Blog Article: What I am Hallucinating Today

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Perhaps the Locals Would Like to Express Their Various Opinions and Disdain Here...
You could use this as a gathering point for all of the latest rumours and talk it over right in front of me like I am not even here.....in other words just keep right on behaving the same way which I already 'think' you behave, without needing to be running all over town looking for your contacts to get all the latest. Someone be sure to tell the shoe salesman, in the downtown mall and the bus drivers so they don't have to depend upon accidental contacts... OK?

I have an idea...Why don't you name the post above to which you are responding and then all the other critics will be able to find them easier?
My Strange Perceptions of Group Behaviour Among the 'Normal'

I am told that my perceptions of the behaviour of groups of, otherwise 'normal' people, is totally unrealistic and exists only in my own poor sick mind, so I am going to post my interesting perceptions and reactions here and all of you; locals, the psychiatrized, the presumably normal, or mental illness professionals, police officers now acting as the thought police, my ex physician who joined in etc.,  should all feel free to comment on it and offer your own experiences and assessments from the various points of view involved.

Just follow the few rules above and focus on me, and me alone, or else speak in the first person singular out of your own experience. Do not attack or argue with anyone else who chooses to post on this list.

Note: You can't post unless you are registered to the site with an e-mail address but those of you who want to remain 'concealed' could always use a pseudonym couldn't you?

My fascinating paranoid delusions and hallucinated conversations will appear as posts in the blog above this message board. So, ready, set... assess


Let's Try and Oldie but a Goodie


This one too was originally stated to the psychiatric hospital staff having them some 'fun' while observing and listening to my reactions to them. I can easily expand it though to include all of the locals everywhere who have involved themselves in what they believe is a 'covert' operation;


“That which you are observing is observing you.”


If you did not need to justify yourselves by needing me to be 'less than,' you would already know that. It is perfectly obvious.