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Sunday, November 04, 2007

Spoof News, Satire and Comedy


Psychiatrist Ousted for Curing Patients
To read full article, click on main title

Birmingham Psychiatrist Dr. Hiebold Moranis was recently stripped of his credentials and permanently banned from Psychiatric practice because of his record of curing patients rather than "treating" their symptoms. His actions were deemed contrary to modern psychiatric practice by the licensing board and by the Psychiatric Profit Society. Dr. Moranis raised the ire of his colleagues and the licensing board because he employed a non-approved method of diagnosis and treatment, involving actual medical testing for underlying conditions, medical treatment as needed, nutrition, allergy treatments, de-tox programs and sometimes a stern talking to.

TheSpoof.com

Schizophrenic Ironies...
Pointing Out the Obvious

The people who try so hard to get us the 'help'we need, run all over town telling stories about 'us' who are so unlike 'them.' Most cannot help but feel great disdain for 'us' and the way we are; always 'telling stories' just 'to seek attention/fame.'
(At least that is the story they tell each other.)

Finding Just What they are Looking For 

After repeating a list of symptoms, a caller asks Dr. Frazier Crane, “So what do you think is the matter with me Doc?”

Frazier: “Well, either you are a seriously mentally individual who needs institutionalization immediately, or you are a first year psych student.”

(I have been assessed and evaluated by MANY of these. They also seem to enjoy evaluating their room mates. In fact, it seems just believing everything is pathology causes those trained to look for it to be sure to FIND it.

Related Websites

Bonkers Institute
By Ben Hansen

Freshman Psych Student Diagnoses Roommate With Bipolar Disorder

The Onion

Freshman Psych Student Diagnoses Roommate With Bipolar Disorder

PORTLAND, OR-In a breakthrough discovery Monday, Portland State University freshman and Psychology 101 student Steve Wenger diagnosed roommate Chad Doane with bipolar disorder.

I think if we could just get all psych students to diagnose each other, we could save a whole lot of money by getting everyone drugged right away. If we did that, we could eliminate psychiatric hospitals and outpatient clinics completely and look at all the money we would save!

Better yet, why wait? Let's just drug everyone, everywhere, as a preventive measure. After all, we won't have to listen to any more whining and complaining about anything if no one ever gets the chance to start that stuff in the first place!


Cries for Help

Bio Psych is determined to save the world by changing how everyone everywhere FEELS about their lives and their problems. But FIRST, they have to hunt down all of those who suffer from grandiosity and the Messiah Complexes and get them treatment for their obvious insanity.  

You see Bio Psych really does not like any competition. They are running a business you know, and they prefer to have a monopoly on this business.

Psychiatric Circles

I am not allowed to blame those who blame me for blaming others as they understand that ‘blaming others’ is a character flaw in me and they blame me, and ONLY me, for that!

Patricia’s Razor (like Ockham’s Razor)

Aggressors with hidden agendas of domination are not seen as aggressors by most people because their agendas are HIDDEN.

(Gawd! Years ago someone told me that the way I was now talking to psychiatric hospital staff sounded like I was ‘talking to idiots’)

 

 

Fluff
By Nina Paley



For Those Who Believe My Biggest Life Problem May be a Kind of Smiling Deficiency and for the Experts in Reductionsim, the official quoting of which Will Allow for a Really Good Clinical Diagnosis and Treatment Plan

Functional Anatomy of Humor:
Positive Affect and Chronic Mental Illness

 


 

00047800
 

Messages off the T.V. Just for Psychiatrists

'Your denial of your denial is the first sign that you are in denial.

Hank

From the series, Corner Gas

Home Recent Archives

The Most Amusing Performance of the "Normal"

  •  3/6/2017 12:00:00 AM
  •  Admin
  •   views
I must say, after just experiencing this one, again recently, at a library branch, this short performance from the 'normal' including university students learning how to discuss the defectives, while sounding wise, is definitely my all-time favourite in terms of a really good laugh; maybe because once the absurdity of it is truly SEEN and understood, I, and others also, often compare it to what we USED to believe was a deliberate performance by people either really joking, or just 'pretending to...
 Read More

Stuck in the Loop

  •  6/30/2015 12:00:00 AM
  •  Admin
  •   views
As you listen to this from the other SIDE of the SAME experience, I want you to think about those you have psychiatrized, often at top speed, for SEEINGIT, those who ALSO sometimes compare the experience to being trapped in a time loop like in the movie “Ground Hog Day.” Another one is the attempt to escape from a “staged” version of reality like in “The Truman Show.” Anything penetrating yet? These are all the same THEMES, going back centuries, about GROUP insanity, being passed off as “...
 Read More

The Onion

New Therapist Obsessed With Old Therapist

STONE HARBOR, NJ—Dr. Peter Crosley, the psychotherapist seen by real-estate broker Rachel Falbaum since March, has become increasingly...

<style type="text/css"> .onion_embed {background: rgb(256, 256, 256) !important;border: 4px solid rgb(65, 160, 65);border-width: 4px 0 1px 0;margin: 10px 30px !important;padding: 5px;overflow: hidden !important;zoom: 1;}.onion_embed img {border: 0 !important;}.onion_embed a {display: inline;}.onion_embed a.img {float: left !important;margin: 0 5px 0 0 !important;width: 66px;display: block;overflow: hidden !important;}.onion_embed a.img img {border: 1px solid #222 !important;;width: 64px;;padding: 0 !important;;}.onion_embed h2 {line-height: 2px;;clear: none;;margin: 0 !important;padding: 0 !important;}.onion_embed h3 {line-height: 16px;font: bold 16px arial, sans-serif !important;margin: 3px 0 0 0 !important;padding: 0 !important;}.onion_embed h3 a {line-height: 16px !important;;color: rgb(0, 51, 102) !important;font: bold 16px arial, sans-serif !important;text-decoration: none !important;display: inline !important;;float: none !important;;text-transform: capitalize !important;}.onion_embed h3 a:hover {text-decoration: underline !important;color: rgb(204, 51, 51) !important;}.onion_embed p {color: #000 !important;;font: normal 11px/ 11px arial, sans-serif !important;;margin: 2px 0 0 0 !important;;padding: 0 !important;}.onion_embed a {display: inline !important;;float: none !important;} </style> I want to be sure to add to these items from the onion the simple fact that these are satirical stories. I know I have to do that, as many people feel they are so close to reality, they are frequently understood to be real. That in itself should tell us a whole lot!



We Need Many More of the Psychiatrized to do Stand-up in This Kind of Style
This is Non Violent Confrontation That Makes a Political Point

 

Wonder Drug
Inspires Deep, Unwavering Love


Of Pharmaceutical Companies

( The drug is a fictional one and intended as satire by the writer used to make a point. It is often mistaken as a real drug since it seems so much like the usual kind of promotion)

The Sane, The Insane, and Voluntary Commitment



Medical News from the Seventies

 

Scientists have discovered a new disease which cannot be detected by laboratory tests as there are no symptoms. Since it cannot be detected there is unfortunately no cure for it either. Fortunately, no cases of this new disease have yet been reported.

 

Medical scientists claim that they have discovered a new, and very successful, treatment for apathy. However, no one has shown any interest in it whatsoever.

                                                                                    George Carlin

My Search for Love and Wisdom in the Brain
By Marian Cleeves Diamond

The force of basic human needs for love and wisdom can be examined in the parts and functions of the human brain. Changes in emotions and environment are integrated into the physical structure of the brain, linking love and wisdom to experience and perception.


(Patricia's Question: I wonder how long it will be before we will go to psychiatry to get the surgical procedure or the right pill to find us the 'love' or 'wisdom' we have been made to believe our brains require to function 'correctly.')

News from the Neurosciences.

 

More U.S.Children Being Diagnosed With Youthful Tendency Disorder

REDLANDS, CA–
Nicholas and Beverly Serna's daughter Caitlin was only four years old, but they already knew there was a problem.

More U.S. Children Being Diagnosed With Youthful Tendency Disorder
Day after day, upon arriving home from preschool, Caitlin would retreat into a bizarre fantasy world. Sometimes, she would pretend to be people and things she was not. Other times, without warning, she would burst into nonsensical song. Some days she would run directionless through the backyard of the Sernas' comfortable Redlands home, laughing and shrieking as she chased imaginary objects.

Onion Med Watch

When months of sessions with a local psychologist failed to yield an answer, Nicholas and Beverly took Caitlin to a prominent Los Angeles pediatric neurologist for more exhaustive testing. Finally, on Sept. 11, the Sernas received the heartbreaking news: Caitlin was among a growing legion of U.S. children suffering from Youthful Tendency Disorder.
"As horrible as the diagnosis was, it was a relief to finally know," said Beverly. "At least we knew we weren't bad parents. We simply had a child who was born with a medical disorder."
Youthful Tendency Disorder (YTD), a poorly understood neurological condition that afflicts an estimated 20 million U.S. children, is characterized by a variety of senseless, unproductive physical and mental exercises, often lasting hours at a time. In the thrall of YTD, sufferers run, jump, climb, twirl, shout, dance, do cartwheels, and enter unreal, unexplainable states of "make-believe."

"The Youthful child has a kind of love/hate relationship with reality," said Johns Hopkins University YTD expert Dr. Avi Gwertzman. "Unfit to join the adult world, they struggle to learn its mores and rules in a process that can take the entirety of their childhood. In the meantime, their emotional and perceptive problems cause them to act out in unpredictable and extremely juvenile ways. It's as though they can only take so much reality; they have to 'check out,' to go Youthful for a while."

To read the full story please go to the link connected to the main title.
Please note: The story above is entirely fictitious.It is intended as satire. (I know. Sometimes it is so close to reality we can't be sure can we?)

Jokes for the Psychiatrized


Are you Writing Or Writing?

What’s the difference between keeping a journal, and ‘presenting with writing behaviours? ‘

Having trouble making sense of the question? It is really quite simple.

 

The first is done by someone WITHOUT a psychiatric label and the second is done by someone WITH a psychiatric label. 



 

 




Riddle

When does 'religion' become 'religiosity'?

 

Answer: When it is moved to a new location like from the vestibule of a church to the intake unit of a psychiatric hospital. With that shift in location, the same statements can take on a whole new meaning.


 



Reading Too Much into Things

 

Psychiatric nurses who believe that patients are 'reading too much into things'  are often the same people who try to make sure they have a day off so they can go to the Psychic Fair. Apparently if you think you are 'psychic' and give a nurse a reading at a Fair you are a life advisor but if you 'think' you are psychic inside a psychiatric hospital, you are insane and in need of the same nurse's 'help'




“Jerry I need help. I am at First and First. How can the same street intersect with itself? I must be at the nexus of the universe.”

Kramer
While Lost in New York
 from Seinfeld

 

The Help In Defining "Normal" -

I am on my way outside now to join in

the Therapy Program for "Attention

Seekers"

  
   
 
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