If I ever have a truly PERSONAL relationship again, rather than ones which I consider to be acquaintances, one where my PERSON is actually IN it, it will be one to one WITH THAT person. It will NOT be as an object of observation and assessment BY a group, FOR another person ABOUT me.
Can you see and hear the difference in MEANING there in terms of ''personal relationship''? One must actually relate personally in one of those.
Will you need to debate and discuss my SAYING that here, with a large group, by getting all of their ''inputs'' on it first, to see if you can all decipher the strange ''code'' in which I am speaking?
As MY last psychiatrist (one of the ones I actually LIKED as a human being) put it, (also the one who finally diagnosed my experience for what it was; of course by then I had found the est book exposing the training exercises in detail.)
"Maybe they are ALL "est-ees" to which I responded, "Yes maybe they are; they sure act like it."
I want you to focus on something as you all talk this over endlessly, assessing and evaluating me, and the situation, as defined by "group consensus" the majority of you doing it, even AS you DENY doing it, will come up with an invalidating response to ANYTHING I say, or don't say, as the primary means of defending your own position, in your assessing routine. Such remarks as "She thinks she is a victim" or "Now HE'S the bad guy", complete with patronizing, amused little laughs. I call these little performances you do, the Eye Rollers Remarks. - E.R.R. (which is human isn't it?) Unfortunately I am not yet "divine" enough to "forgive" you for what you claim you have notdone and for which you need NO forgiveness, since I, and those like me, just "imagine" it all.
Your group behaviour as I am talking about it right HERE and NOW is precisely what is denied to EXIST. YOUR behaviour, YOUR group-think and assessment sessions, about people like me, whom you barely know, or often do not know at ALL, is pathologized in those who report being on the receiving end of it, as if bubbling up from within our defective little pea brains (internal reality, self contained) rather than being performed by the groups doing it (external reality unconstrained) and then denying it all.
It is the difference between seeing the ones reporting it as defective containment fields AND seeing the ones doing it, and then denying it, as engaged in a social "sickness" which is actually a dysfunctional group politics. Creating an "illness" that someone "has" also has an enormous political power in it; the more so if those bestowing the labels, also proclaim the individuals DENIAL that they "have" an "illness" which is supposedly self contained, (as opposed to a group "illness") is yet another piece of "proof " that they are sick. This comes from unquestioned power of the controller. For all they have to do is write down, what the individual resisting the labelling says, AS a "symptom," rather than as real experience in the real world. Then, the one who SAYS it, as well as anyone who comes after that, saying the same thing, for the same reasons, will be HEARD by those trained to do so, as "presenting" with the symptomatology, for which they have been taught to LISTEN and which they expect to HEAR.
Please note the paradox created by doing that. Assess that. And while you do, listen to yourselves looking for a way to invalidate it, or trivialize it; ANYTHING but admit to it, or own it.
This is WHY it continues. Try getting OFF the level of defending the group, the denial, the invalidation of the person talked ABOUT and the assessment sessions, sidestepping the real issue ( Personalities means it is focused as being about WHO) and onto the level of the existence of it, the invalidation used, the group defence, the trivialization, the isolation tactics, the amused, contemptuous remark making, the justification of it and the outright DENIAL of the existence of the whole thing. (Principles - which means the level of focusing on WHAT is actually happening, why, where, and how, no matter WHO is involved).
Ask yourselves WHY you need to think that; in a situation between other people, often whom you do not know at all, while you believe you are the ones who just KNOW who is the victim, who is not, or even if there really IS one. Has that been done by using your own endless gossiping and story telling as the means of coming to your apparently unshakable, righteous conclusions?
Are you the "sane" normal or "superior" ones for acting out "hidden" judgements like you do and then DENYING it all?
Are you joking?
Are you "pretending to be stupid"?
Are you TRYING to drive people into psychosis using the chaos you create to do so?
Do you STILL seriously believe after decades of local discussion that when you do this, often right in my presence, and the presence of many others, like we aren't really there, that we will not see, hear and know you for who you obviously ARE?
A lot of us just can't believe it is POSSIBLE for a Large group of people to be THIS blind and deaf to themselves, for this ridiculous amount of time and therefore they MUST be "joking" (even when we are not led to accept that idea by someone having him some "fun") pretending to be stupid, or trying to destroy our minds, relationships, reputations and jobs with conscious, deliberate intent.
(although perhaps one or two members of the large group actually were)
However, I think one of the main errors on OUR end of this is that we (the "defectives":) have given you, (the "normal" superior ones) far too MUCH credit for awareness and discernment.
I know for ME, as soon as I thought of the idea, (which believe me was REALLY hard to come up with as a part of the explanation for the group phenomenon) as
..."Oh...they are all "hiding" in plain sight, from inferior, defective, pea brained, little me, when they act out like that..." I then "got" that it was all actually about THEM and their defence of their own group and/or the group belief system being protected and that I was really just a prop in their dysfunctional play about themselves. I had actually seen that in practise before this; just never in such an extreme version before or with so many "superior" people involving themselves in the group nonsense.
Since then though I have come to know that this is an EXTREMELY common group phenomenon;; including keeping the victim/target in place after the fact, so the whole group of participants can focus TOGETHER on what is "wrong" with the victim/target so that they can trivialize and justify their own participation in IT, up to and INCLUDING denying the entire event and their participation in IT.
This is, of course, WHY IT works, even if IT has not been given any kind of official Name.
(like when It gets called "est.").
The participants like to see themselves as OUTSIDE the phenomenon rather the the co-producers of It. It's about responsibility. And if they can see themselves as OUTSIDE of It, having IT be BEYOND them, (in both ways) they can all avoid accepting any, and instead, blame the victim/target FOR trying to blame THEM..
Just listen to yourselves; really LISTEN to yourselves on the level of the ideas you are promoting and the REASON (purpose) for doing it. Is it "reasonable" (logical) or is it "reasonable" (purposeful.) They are not always one and the same thing. Just for laughs, try talking about yourself and your roles in this and what motivates you, and the roles and motivations of all the other people you discuss, and debate it, with, and what their personal goals are in taking a position in something that is basically none of their business and never really was.
Stop looking at my finger (debating or assessing my finger, the nails, the hidden meaning in my finger, whether or not I wear nail polish, if I should be, my motivation for holding my finger in just that way.) and look WHERE I am pointing.
This is about levels of awareness which changes MEANING.