There are always plenty of these a.k.a. my "paranoid delusions and hallucinated conversations, as otherwise this population would be a bunch of boundary violating, judgmental, story telling, idiots acting out all day and we sure as hell can't allow anyone "especially outsiders" to think that this is reality now can we? So what do you say we all enjoy ourselves by marveling over my imagination? Doesn't that sound like a lot of fun..MORE "fun" I mean, of course.

"This is how long it has taken to sort this out."

No it isn't and this has been acted out before more than once in the presence of stupid barely conscious me since I am so crazy I won't know what people are talking about anyway...which they sometimes also say. In reality, the one I live in, I told these people long BEFORE I broke down under pressure that this is what the est-ee nurse was doing. Naturally, as is almost always the case, I got "corrected" on that. I also got humored and invalidated for it while game boy "observed the action between the two sides of his "recreation." this is what his "secret power" is all about. It is a "secret" of course to the staff members. It is not a secret to me.

This is how much time and energy is spent by the participants in these things who are attempting to AVOID accountability and blaming their victims is par for the course. Even NAMING what he was using to do it didn't help since "superior" people don't listen to "inferiors" like me. You aren't "hidden" from an inferior mind when you are acting out like abusive mocking jackasses; unless of course you believe you are hidden from yourselves?

As they say in est, "everything is true (on one level or another) EXCEPT that what is driving it has been switched." You are "driving your car with your hands firmly planted on the rear view mirror." that means you don't see the crash that is coming up ahead because you are looking in the wrong DIRECTION for the cause of IT.

"The one they are talking about was 45 back then, so what does THAT tell you?"

These things usually follow the public debates on my age ans the commentary that this generates. One thing about this population they are never short on "stories" and never lacking in opinions on everything and everyone. No evidence or input from their "subjects", needed, wanted or tolerated.

Among my current favourites is the city wide evaluations of me and my character as defined by large groups of people who are stranger to me...(did you hear that fascinating paranoia OK? ) Is the ongoing debate about whether or not I am trying to pull something off by pretending I am a senior resolved yet, or will I need to listen to some more contemptuous remarks while waiting for a conclusive outcome as defined in the usual way here by group consensus? Or will you just invalidate my perceptions of the BS as usual and send a team around, helped by some of my ever so sweet current neighbors all trying to "help" me be more like them? Or is this part of my delusions too..."She actually believes that doesn't she?"

In any case, some of the folks currently have decided it is best just to ignore things like that and just don't bother to respond to it at all... for we don;t want to encourage anyone in their delusional beliefs do we? ...well unless they are people who can never be wrong or get blamed for anything. Then we do. Of course it is very important that we understand exactly who gets what status and I admit that is often pretty hard to do especially when we have to deny reality and evidence to maintain the status quo like this.

Now just let me give you all a few more examples of my ongoing assessments and evaluations (humour me now...like always..you can just keep on refusing to respond to anything you don't like. Hopefully that will make me stop trying to tell you anything you would rather not know or don't like. This is actually the reality of the neurotic involvement experienced by people who live lives, as defined by groups, as inferior "to us."

Walking Down the Street on Free Bus Day

Standing outside waiting for a cab

Being evaluated at the bus stop or on buses

Being evaluated by a variety of people sitting right beside me at the library

Watching Mary Beth Sue perform.

Watching and listening to the one with "cognition problems" TEST me for a small audience to see what kind of a reaction she can get.

Observing a variety of university people, including faculty, discussing their attempts to chat me up to see what happens.

Offering to knock on a door and let someone know when I was done with the washer

Offering to help a neighbour with a bit extra in cleaning and then being evaluated by others for that.

Telling people I am on OAS now and no longer work at all.

Sitting at a small table at the library.

Buying a toaster, looking inside the box and being evaluated for that.

Buying a TV and being evaluated on that.

Tim Horton's evaluators going way back to the time I was forced out of my job by Homewood staffers. BOTH times.

Not being interested in growing a garden.

Not going out enough.

Another round of "that's his brother." (same thing repeated over the years AT me. One of the "hims" in this is the brother of one of the other "hims." Never made clear of course by all those keeping all the community "secrets" by acting them all out. It must not BE clarified as doing so may cause all those taking care of their own interests to suffer some form of negative consequences for their "covert" participation in IT. This is why the "game" continues in its "infinite nature."

Hearing evaluations by total strangers such as "I would effin just kill that bitch" or "apparently even her own family does not want anything to do with her anymore..." or "she reminds me of my sister" (you too sweetheart) or "what does she expect if she doesn't talk to us"

Going out when they don't know why and being evaluated for that.

The bus driver fake "rejection" performance and what it is decided I will think.

Riding around on two newer bus routes and having both of those evaluated.

Adjusting the ear bud in one of my ears as I sit on the bus and having that evaluated by two guys from four feet away.

Assessments and "corrections" from University students.

So then what problem does she have with what's her face? (Let's you and I and a half dozen others discuss this 'covertly" too....)

I will will expand on these for you soon and let you know what the reality is from my point of view...not that anyone is interested in that of course, except in terms of finding a way to pathologise anything I might say.

I will say this again now: You people ARE my "delusions" and "hallucinated conversations." Your story telling and "covert ops" IS what I "claim" is happening supposedly "just to seek attention." The est-ee nurse IS the "source" of the problem, as was my late father, who like the est-ee, told THIRD parties, and also ME, whom he knew was aware of him, and his ongoing behaviour, that he did not knowWHO Brian Furlong was, what kind of a doctor he was or WHERE he was, and then, despite at least one or two other family members, knowing that was a lie, told the third parties, like the est-ee nurse, that he had NO IDEA what I was talking about and that they should not listen to me as I was only saying things like this about him to "seek attention." (position switch) This was my life long problem with him . It is a problem that is rarely identified, or ever accepted, by the mental illness system since doing so moves it AWAY from the "real disease" paradigm as the neatly, self contained, cause of such "incorrect thoughts" bit, in which everyone other than the identified patient must be seen as blameless. Those with hidden agendas of domination and control of course just LOVE that as it "works" for THEM. This is also, like in est, about the "Family Romance."

This routine is, in fact, very common with domination and control types, though most of them don't give it a group NAME or pay anyone to teach them how to do it. This WAS my problem with my father and the family members who supported that. It remained a problem since it was/is denied to exist JUST LIKE the est-ee nurse's version of the same routine is denied to exist, despite any and all evidence to the contrary. In fact, evidence is routinely suppressed. The manipulators/controllers in life, often smiling, soft spoken, ever so pleasant and well liked by many mystified others, don't care what the results are to others of what they do. They want CONTROL; period. When people don't co-operate with their agendas, they increase their unwanted efforts and interference and do so with a sense of entitlement. They are often in roles of "authority" which their followers and supporters never question.

For you see superior people, vital to the continuance of the group catharsis, the warped "bonding" and the entertainment value of it all, is the need to maintain the idea that the group members are not seen, heard or understood by the "inferior' ones they can all focus on together often while thanking God or the universe that at least they are not like those other ones. For that is how they get the beneficial effects from doing what they do and at which they are so well practiced. This they do at the expense of someone perceived as expendable or, at least, barely conscious so that what they do as a group won't really matter. So strong and well entrenched is the group delusion that even TELLING these superior specimens of humanity, "I can see you and hear you" has no effect upon them whatsoever. They simply cover that by putting their own "spin" or their own "interpretation" on EVERYTHING to maintain that group delusion and all the "fun" which the mocking and ridiculing of the targets provides for all involved that goes with IT.