Well, I think mainly because if we
DO that, it might show people that a lot of the reports about group behaviour and boundary violation of selected individuals are
VALID, that wrong
IS being done, that the people being "assessed" by dysfunctional groups
ARE being harmed and that pathologizing everything individuals
SAY about that is just plain
WRONG.
This is, of course, where that "worm can" phobia enters into the picture. It is also often where a further abuse of power is frequently employed to silence the
complainants who usually won't be
HEARD, or taken seriously anyway, since even the
SUGGESTION of a label of invalidation tends to block the hearing of all the "normal" duplicitous others. These of course, are the "others" who can never be blamed, as opposed to the individual "others" who
CAN be blamed.
Now be sure to invalidate what I
just said there by focusing on the level of my "complaining" about it and
NOT on the legitimacy of the complaint
ITSELF. Always remember that group dysfunction thrives on the concepts of focusing on
WHO is talking, or being talked about, and
NOT on
WHAT is being talked
ABOUT. The closing of ranks is there to protect the
GROUP of loyalists from responsibility.
Remember the warped idea that "the needs of the many outweigh the rights of the few"; which is a pseudo-intellectual way of actually saying, "We like our scapegoats so that
WE who are in agreement
together, don't ever have to change our
OWN minds."
Now for Those of You on the Receiving End of This This is where those double binds come into the picture. They work like this:
"If you don't speak up for yourself then you "deserve"' what you get for failing to do so"
AND If you
DO speak up, it will be defined as whining, bitching, complaining, not caring about "others" (your critics) and therefore you 'deserve' what you get for that."
Now if you perceive that as like being caught between the proverbial rock and the hard place, it will then be your
PERCEPTION of that, which will then be assessed as the problem. Get the idea there?
This is
WHY nothing you say, as an
EQUAL, in a two way
communication, based on logic will
ever penetrate that. They do not
WANT to hear you. They have cast you in the role of "less than" right from the start and they are not relating
TO you as an equal human, in a two way communication. You are in a
ONE way relationship with your assessor which the assessor perceives as to, or
ABOUT, the assessed;
YOU. That is what
objectification is all about.
There is
NO genuine, direct communication there.
They do not
WANT to know anything that is going to cause them to question their
OWN attitude toward you. They want everything to stay just as it is, and you are threatening that
BY pointing out the blatantly obvious. It is
NOT obvious to
THEM. Nor do they
want it to be.
So stop trying to "reason" with what is not reasonable to start with. It won't work. However you
ALSO can't just go silent, as
THAT will only work against you also.
Some others have said to me over the last ten to fifteen years or so that they did not know
HOW to deal with such people, without becoming just
LIKE then, a sort of desperate "show and tell" kind of thing.
THIS is how:
Talk about the
GROUP dynamic itself and the collective, entrenched mindset that keep reproducing It, generation after generation. Talk in groups with other "experiencers" in public places, such as where those who talk about "us" do that, like food courts, restaurants, libraries on buses etc. Talk about the group-think phenomenon
itself and
WHY it works. Do it in detail. Don't try to "get through" to those who won't
HEAR you anyway. Remember that you don't have to
NAME the people who do this, and sometimes you too might also be wrong about who is whom, as the 'switch" in this is all too common.
Remember to stick to what you actually
KNOW for a fact, from your
OWN concrete experiences of it. You can't assume that what you have "heard' from third parties
ABOUT others is always true. People lie; including many of those ever-so-nice "normal" ones. Or sometimes, they also pass along as "truth" what they
GENUINELY BELIEVE to
BE truth, about others whom they barely know or don't know at
ALL. So don't get caught up in
THIRD PARTY evaluation sessions. Most of the time that will become just another
version of the
SAME dysfunctional group construct as it is "the devil we know." Just look closely at the dysfunctional
GROUP construct, as a
whole and see where
YOU fit into that, in relation to your own
FIRST HAND life experiences.
So you don't have to name anyone to make change happen. Since the people who do this to individuals routinely
DENY doing it, or trivialize it, you can talk about what they
DO and of course no one will ever know
WHO you are talking about anyway, will they? For "logically" speaking how could anyone know about, or
recognize, a behaviour that simply does not
EXIST?
Expose the dysfunctional group "game" itself because just as it has been stated when the "game" has been given it's own
NAME,
"...also, once understood, the estian conversion (or dysfunctional group-think) and it's accompanying behaviours would be stripped of their ability to provide the gratification which caused and maintained them." (cause
AND effect "converted")
- Fenwick, Chapter 16, page 180, Getting It; the Psychology of est
That's right. So examine the bully/controller behaviour and the thinking processes behind It. Do it in
detail and dissect it publicly, like a hideous insect in a petrie dish, because the controllers/abusers don't like that
KIND of attention to detail one bit. It just ruins all of their "fun."
They will never be able to silence
ALL of us. It would
COST too much.....and this type tend to think that
everything is about money or profit. So use it against them. If the "game" gets too expensive for them, they will "let it go." (cease and desist)