Psychiatric Fiction

 Included on this page will be:

1.Crazy Sarah in Her Crazy World

A New Psy-Fi (Psychiatric Fiction) Series Based on One Woman's Delusional Experience of the Perfectly Normal Society in Which She Lives. It is a fabricated series about a fictional character who worked in a psychiatric hospital as a patient special and who was herself psychiatrized by those seeking to save the world.  This will be in pedantic detail to show the complex delusions suffered by many (like me) who actually believe our experience is reality based. 

2.. Sarah's Journal 
An Unusual Perception of Reality as a first hand account  

3. Spirit Voices series: A channeling of the psychiatrized who have moved on to another dimension of Being.

 ...and a variety of other fascinating psychiatric fabrications.....

Genesis of the Bait and Switch

By Patricia Lefave, Monophrenic

Binary Spirits of Good and Evil (On and Off, Yes and No)

It does not matter whether you who read this believe that God and Satan are real spirits, or physical beings, or not, for the purpose of this exercise in abstract thought. What matters is that you SEE the bait and switch and HOW it is done to get the point.

Triangle or Trinity

Three points spiritually connected: God, Eve, Satan. (Abra-Cad-Abra)

God says, "Now Eve, don't follow your own inexperienced mind in matters of the judging of good and evil. You are not yet old enough, or wise enough, to understand the difference and you will lose your life if you try to do this on your own.

(Eve is like a child in spirit and understanding you see.)

Satan, who is secretly after power and control, then says to Eve, " are YOU today? (big ol' smile)...don't listen to God. He is only SAYING you shouldn't try to make such judgements because he wants to control you and he knows that if you figure that out, he will lose His power over you...would I lie to you, Evie girl? (Bigger smile) I am only trying to HELP you. I sure hope that you are going to be grateful for it. Ya know I wouldn't go out of my way like this to help just anybody.

So Eve, having no experience at all with any con artist spirits, begins to doubt God. After all how could she realistically know who to believe and why would Satan lie to her about this? He would have no reason to do so...and this is what starts the chaos and confusion which is Satan's forte, but of course, Eve does not know this. She has no previous experience by which she could hope to recognize this routine.

In reality God is the one telling her the truth and Satan is "the father of the lie," pulling the "switch" by claiming that God is after, what, in fact, is really what Satan is after. God already has the power which he is giving away as a free gift by means of "schizogenesis" (ironically again...look it up. Bang!) and Satan wants to take that power from him so that he can use it to control the creation. It's about attitudes. Satan presents himself, as the "good" one by APPEARING to be supportive of Eve and on her "side." (Eve did not notice that "sides" had been created where previously there was only a sphere of being with no ''sides'' at all.)

Eve, quite naturally is confused. How could she NOT be confused in such a position?

Fortunately, there was no A.C.T. team in the Garden of Eden, or psychiatrists, who all know a self contained mental defective when they hear one, after only ten to fifteen minutes of listening for the "noises" coming from the "confused" one.

There was no emergency mental services back then, nor cop cars to "help" Eve to get transported to the ''medical help" she really needed. So she pretty much had to muddle though this "confusion" as if it was reality based, and not just bubbling up from within her defective brain.

Back to the "game" plan:

If Eve tells herself that Satan would have no reason to lie to her and she assumes he has good intentions even if he is not totally right about God, then she has taken the bait. The Switch part is obvious when you know the true nature of Satan and don't buy into his act. Satan assumes God's identity and the claims his own darker motivations actually belong to God, not him. That is the position switch which he uses to "hook" Eve. This creates uncertainty, which leads into further chaos and confusion, which is the methodology used by Satan to blindside his targets. He "hides" his true nature and his true goal inside the chaos he creates. It works even better if there are more people he can suck into his con to increase the pressure on Eve.

Satan's true goal of course, unknown to Eve, is to use her and those who follow his plan after her, to gain power and control over the creation and use it in any way he pleases, and what really pleases Satan is the acquisition of power and control over everything, and everyone, for it's own sake. Ahhhh..there's the old breech-birth rush. Power and control IS the goal. It is not used FOR anything other than the feeling Satan gets from obtaining power and control for It's own sake. Logic, or collective end results, really don't interest that old fork tongued serpent, that snake in the grass.

Satan is the First Narcissist in Creation; it is all about HIM and what he does to reach his end goal which is DOMINATION. The means used by this spirit to get to his goal are irrelevant except in terms of, do they, or do they not, "work." (FOR HIM) statements like "We do it because it works" are meaningless UNLESS connected to concrete, specific detail. No one is as "real" to Satan as he is to himself. Satan is the spirit of the narcissist, personified. So, nothing and no one else, really matters, other than as a means to an end. Got that? That is how the First Narcissist, the one who used to be an equal binary spirit of creation, THINKS and so fell from that state of grace, to a LOWER level of Being, which that spirit "thinks" in his own arrogance, is a HIGHER one.

Equality is not good enough for narcissists because they have to "win" the con-test they "think" they are in and, in order to DO that, the other MUST be ''inferior,'' for one cannot ''win'' a contest unless another loses it. When those who do not live in contest mode look at these spirits, puzzled by where they are coming from, since it does not make sense to non narcissists, the narcissist believes that "proves" the puzzled one is "stupid." Of course nothing ever proves the narcissist is stupid, because that is how the "game" is set up inside his own mind.

To Satan, all life is meaningless EXCEPT his own and that philosophy is exactly what will destroy him in the end. While this "game" is still running though, God knows who He really is and also who Satan really is.

Satan also knows it, and knows, that God knows, he knows.(smirk)

But Eve of course does not know who is whom, and can't be sure.

Both God and Satan also know THAT. But you see as long as Eve stays confused, Satan has a chance to take over control of the creation by means of the Con. That what this spirit wants because that gives him the feeling of POWER which he gets from doing it. It is also why God says, "the devil's arrogance blinds him to the truth about himself."

Because the spirit of the Con cannot see that if he "wins" the "game," he loses everything, himself INCLUDED.

Now, you may hear this little story I just fabricated for you here, as either literal or metaphorical, being used as an expression for the patterns of life and being. Personally, I don't really CARE. What matters to ME is that you hear what is going on in this ''story,'' on the Met level.

It is very hard to determine, as Eve, in a situation like that which spirit is which, because you can't be sure which one is conning you until, or unless, you get some real evidence of things not then seen as anything BUT an abstraction.

Still, even if you can't be sure then, you can still do something to get past the confusion. You can self focus and operate from within your own Self-defined boundaries. Treat ALL others as equal lives, and equal in GENERIC worth, and if you do, eventually the spirit of the true con will reveal him/herself and the hidden agenda to you, by trying too HARD to gain power and control over everything and everyone. The Spirit of God you see, has respect for individual boundaries because S/He/It wants to; not because S/He/It has to, or because S/He/It can't figure out how to trick you into giving up. God IS the Big Bang. That is the spirit of life; not death.



Naturally any resemblance between this fictional character and my actual life, including any resemblance to others, living or dead, is purely coincidental. What else COULD it be after all? It has all officially been proclaimed to be my own fabrication. Why do you think I received the label that I did? So if you should think I am talking about any of you locals, or imagine that I might even be directly quoting something you have said, let me put you at ease by offering you the same advice I have received;
You are just reading too much into things, you are too sensitive, you must not be so touchy and can you not let it all just roll off your backs? 

If these ideas fail to serve you well, then I might also suggest that you are perhaps having a perception/reaction problem similar to mine and perhaps you should make an appointment for a really good psychiatric assessment. If needed I know several psychiatrists personally with ten or eleven minutes to spare. I would be happy to give you their numbers.


A Psy-Fi Adventure by Patricia Lefave 

Sarah's Journal
An Unusual Perception of Reality

My Name is Sarah Robertson

 ...and I have officially been labelled Inherently Defective by those who are determined to 'help' me. 

I could say I was railroaded into a mental hospital but if I did, that would only be called one of my symptoms anyway. Everything IS. It was all written in the Big Book of Insanity before I ever walked in the door.

As many of my fellow psychiatrized know and dare to say, it is a 'rigged game.' Of course no one believed me, for what could someone like me, who is not even a nurse, for God's sake, know of how life works, or how minds think.  I was soon to discover that I was not going to be 'allowed' to know how my own mind worked whenever it offended anyone else to have to think so.

So the head games began and they are still being played these many years later. 

It has been a bizarre psycho spiritual adventure and one that I almost did not survive to tell about it. But I did; and so now I tell my own story of this experience from MY point of view. 'We' are not supposed to give first person accounts of our experience because when we do it tends to ruin the 'stories' about it as supplied by others...those same 'others' who can never be wrong, and who can never be blamed either.

I think it is time we all learned how to blame appropriately as not doing so is so bloody enabling to those who want all the control over everything, and everyone.

It has to stop.

Maybe if I talk about it all here, that will help others who have been put though something similar work their way through their own bizarre adventure. I hope so. I know that talking about it to others has helped me, and I think that we have to connect together and find our true strength in each other, even while those who so eagerly psychiatrize us as the means of invalidating us, mock, ridicule and hiss at us like the dysfunctional snakes they often are.  At least it is a bit easier to be hissed at in good company than to be hissed at all alone.

So where will I begin my story? Shall I start at the beginning or just jump into it from where I am right now and sort of reminisce my way through it? I think I will just start from the now and then talk about all the connections I have been able to make along the way which allowed me to sort out enough of the chaos and confusion to make sense of my own experience. 

In the “Now”   

The community acting out is really pissing me off lately. It is SO long and tedious a process waiting for all these idiots to just wake up to the reality which is going on around them every single day, and which HAS been for all these years. How can they STILL not see the bloody obvious? No wonder so many of my fellow psychiatrized believe they have got to be “pretending” to be this stupid or else doing it on purpose so they can 'enjoy' the entertainment value they get from driving us into insanity. It is pretty hard to believe, even when I know it's true, that this many people can be this stupid and self absorbed for like, 17 YEARS. No wonder we sometimes think either 'we' or 'them' MUST be from some other planet. It is too far fetched to think we are all actually living on the same one with such profoundly different perceptions of the same experience. 

I have come to know though that this has a whole lot to do with the point of view from which we look at it and the premise of belief from which which judge everything we see and hear. I will try to explain as concretely as I can in my own story here. I think I will start with the last two months or so and then point out the connections I have been able to make over the years which have allowed me to understand my own experience even if no one else in it ever does. Trying to get anyone to just hear me has been like beating my head against the proverbial brick wall. I have to SAY the word 'proverbial' as otherwise the expression may well be construed as a 'cry for help' or taken literally, and a taser supplied team of community treatment police may arrive at my door to bring me down for more 'treatment' as ordered by this year's version of the thought police.

Do you STILL believe you have been harmed by 'others' Sarah? Despite the fact that we have told you we are only trying to help you? 

(My these sure are persistent delusions these whack jobs have aren't they?) 

Would you please stop talking about me three feet away like I am not here? I can hear you for God's sake.  

Oh we aren't talking about YOU Sarah....don't you worry your little head about that. (Apparently 'they' all think that people are talking about them.) 

One guy involved in my own case was said to have stated to a group, “we are talking about her right now.” 

I heard that the group members didn't really know what he meant by that. I wonder if this is the one who is supposed to have also said, I told one person and the whole city got involved. Later, it was acted out by some that a 'he' had said, “I told two people and the whole city got involved in that.”  

Was this the same person, two different people, or just another 'story' someone had fabricated and then others acted out for me. I never know of course as I am never talked to genuinely, or directly, by anyone. Insults and judgements they are interested in and assessments of the lives of people they don't actually know but genuine communication doesn't seem to interest anybody much; I guess it is not 'fun' like all the story telling.

I also think that the hardest thing to do is to just get the 'normal' people to hear themselves denying the reality of their own splitting, and the projection of it. I  learned in this experience that such people have NO IDEA we can see them and hear them when they are acting out from four feet away. It is absolutely surreal. 

My community won't deal with this reality. They don't want to “open up a can of worms.” Yet if they refuse to look, they will never understand it and this kind of mob behaviour is going to go on and on and at what cost? How many people have to die, go mad, or take vengeance on their abusers because of something  that could be understood and prevented from ever happening? Why does politics, appearances, the glad hand, and nice little sound bites come first? How did society get to the point where how we look and sound takes precedence over how we really are?  Is that what we learned best in all our dysfunctional groups; to behave like grinning idiots, be popular, smile like the Stepford Wives and ignore the fact that the world is full of pain, fear, rage, death and horror of our own collective creation? When will the acting out and the denial of it all stop? 

Why do we treat FEELINGS as if they were causes rather than the effects of all this? How does numbing ourselves to reality, some of us by FORCE if we don't comply, solve the very real problems we are all being so well trained to just ignore?
Worst of all WHO decides what is ''normal” and that those who are 'different' in any way or outside the parameters of this 'normal' need to be and should be controlled and modified to “fit” the predetermined standard? WHO, or perhaps WHAT is the 'one' who makes that decision?  


Who, or what is it, that sits at the top of the pyramid of power and control and defines the nature of reality and the abnormal for all of the rest of us? Is it psychiatry? If it is, then I have a really big problem with that and I am going to tell you all about it here and in relation to my own experiences too. 

Right now though I have to answer the automaton on the phone who wants to know, “How are YOU today Mrs. Robertson?” and then I have to go to Miller's department store where a well trained grinning clerk will whip out a pen, draw a circle around the 600 points! which I 'earned' today by shopping there, which are actually worth 7.5 cents, and which she has been specifically trained to do, including the plastic smile that goes with it. Then I have to go to a grocery store where I will enjoy a chorus of voices at the cash registers all asking in unison, Hi there! And how are you today?  

I must not ever suggest though that I feel like I am in some sort of reality TV Show where everything said and done seems contrived and artificial, or that I must be in some kind of surreal dream  like “the Matrix”, since if I do, it will most likely be perceived as signs of psychosis. After all, all the normal, non psychiatrized, smiling automatons everywhere see no problem; no problem at all. So if I don't want some more “reduction awareness medication” I'd best keep my mouth shut.

Still I will write it here where no one can accuse me of 'confronting' anyone which is apparently bad if I do it, but not bad for those who spew insults at me in public, even though they don't actually know me at all.
I don't know if they are the ones I would like to 'confront' the most or the ones who smile to my face and then tell third parties the “stories” they have heard which they have invented themselves. Of course I am not to see or hear any of this since it has all been defined as my “paranoid delusions and hallucinated conversations.”

 I 'hallucinated' one of my long time critics today...a woman who is a stranger to me and I to her, yet she feels entitled to bad mouth me to other strangers (to me) and the group of them get all righteous about what they think they understand, which in fact they have no clue about. This thing spread like wildfire. But I am forced to deny anything happened and that all these people are not doing what they do since it  would  not 'reasonable' for this to happen.

When you get put through something like this and end up having to go to a psych hospital because you can no longer stay connected to concrete reality since you can't identify it anymore, it is terrifying enough. But when you get there and watch everyone smiling all the time like this was more fun than a barrel of monkeys, it is like being in the Twilight Zone. I Remember thinking, “They ALL look absolutely crazy.”
I think now that was truer than I would have guessed it would turn out to be. This has a whole lot to do with reality being the opposite of itself. That's what makes it all so bizarre; that and the capacity of the masses for engaging so willingly in The Pretence.


I remember that song: 

Evil grows in the dark

Where the sun it never shines

Evil grows in cracks and holes

And lives in people's minds. 

Trouble is it is often the minds of the wrong 'people' that get psychiatrized in the first place. Many of the real problem people fit right into society as easy as you please. They know what others want to see and hear and so they “comply” like good little automatons, but some of those good 'compliers' are  operating with hidden agendas all the time. They are the ones about whom everyone is “shocked” to discover it turns out that they are really well dressed, lovely mannered, serial killers, or embezzlers, or con men for whom society generally has had the greatest respect and admiration. I wonder if we will ever understand enough about ourselves and and the dysfunctional society we have created and called 'good,' to stop being shocked and surprised by this, each and every time it happens? 

Speaking of the dysfunctional society, just yesterday, I was given two little 'tests' by my fellow dysfunctional citizens. One of the 'tests' was to see how 'smart “ I am and apparently I failed.

In the other 'test' the testers were looking to see what kind of a reaction they would get and got none since I just ignored them. (You see I have been given the SAME 'test' many times.)

In both versions of the little 'test', the testers were unaware of my awareness of being 'tested.' Therefore, their assessment of my responses is based on their own belief that they are the smarter, more 'normal” minds testing a lower one. 

These little tests remind me of lab rat experiments.  The experimenter wants to see how fast the lab rat can find it's way through the maze. Before the little test though, the rat talked it over with the other lab rats back in the cage and they decided together that it really did not matter how fast they made it to the finish line since it was never fast enough to suit the lab technician anyway. So they decided to stop running the maze and just wait it out.

Of course the lab technicians had no idea that the rats understood the test was about seeing how fast they would get through the maze and the only reason the rats had co-operated so far in running it, was the faint hope that if they did it fast enough to satisfy the testers, they would get out of that damned lab and go home.

When that proved not to be the case, they saw no further point in running since the motivation to do so was gone.  

The lab technicians of course knowing themselves to be the genetic superiors over the lab rats concluded that the rats were all of extremely low intelligence. To what other conclusion could they possibly come as 'objective observers' of an inferior species? 

You know I think it is just too hard to try to talk about this in any kind of chronological order so I have decided I am just going to talk about it now as it is happening. I never thought I would do this but I have decided just to open up my journals for others to read...Here they come  

 Sarah's Journal: Thinking Out Loud...

stay be continued