Questioning Normality

Blame and Blamelessness

By Patricia Lefave, Monophrenic,

Labelled D.D.(P) in 11 cost effective minutes

Next stop: Questioning Normality

Is it ALWAYS the family that is to blame? No. Of course not.

It is never "always" anybody. The words used to describe this in absolute terms are part of the problem. That is metaphysical and is apart from concrete details and we cannot find the truth for ALL in one metaphysical reality. The idea is stupid not matter who is promoting it. It is stupid when cults do it, when religions do it and when psychiatrists do it in the DSM, a book of metaphysical 'magic' if ever there was one. We are not the same PERSON on the physical level. We have similarities, sure, but to believe that you can identify a one size fits all reality for all people, which can be defined and identified in ten to fifteen cost effective minutes is STUPID. Why don't you KNOW it's stupid?

So no, it is not 'always' the family that is to blame but it is just as stupid to believe that it is NEVER the family that is to blame. It is also not "always" every member of the family that is to blame, or every member of any other dysfunctional group. But is IS some of them, to various degrees, depending upon the specific situation.

Life cannot be defined as an abstraction in absolute terms despite anyone's desire to be able to do so. Really solving problems is not going to be done in ten to fifteen minute cost effective sessions with a psychiatrist who has his eyes rolled back in his head checking his programming for a match to the words uttered by the one who sits before him in distress. Believing it will be is delusional and will end up costing all of us much, much more than it would have if we had just spent more time really and truly RESOLVING dysfunctional relating in the first place, and doing so without needing to bury our heads to avoid seeing things we do not like.

Do you not think that there is great ironic metaphysical weirdness in the fact that the people you call crazy are "seeing things" you cannot even come close to seeing, and "hearing voices" that you desperately want to silence. THINK about that as the supposedly 'sane' ones. Seriously. Just for the sake of a learning experience, "pretend" that you don't already know everything.

Let's look at another idea shall we?

It may be one member of the family, or perhaps two of them and the rest are being kept in the dark about something. It may also be someone OUTSIDE the family who starts the reality reversal. However, if the individual who complains about the abuse of another, or about group abuse, is not believed and then a psychiatrist labels that one defective, it is most often true that the family, even the innocent ones, along with everyone else who gets involved, will accept the definition, no questions asked. Human beings like to believe that 'authority' figures understand everything. It makes them feel safer and less confused about things they really don't understand themselves. So they grab at the opportunity to have things explained away.

It is just as often well meaning groups, as blatantly abusive groups, which pressure the labelled individuals to accept their containment labels and their fate.

Imagine what it must FEEL like to have everyone you know turn against you for telling the truth about your experience that is not accepted as real. Once that happens there is virtually no way out and the life you knew, as the person you know YOURSELF to be, is over. Even your own personal identity has been taken over by other people who now TELL you who you are, and what you may think, say, do, know and feel, which will be considered to be legitimate IF they approve. Anything outside their definition of you will now be considered "illness" and "symptoms."

This is why SOME patients say of their controllers and abusers, "they want me dead." They MEAN the controllers want to "kill" their personal identity and remake them as someone else..someone they are NOT; someone who will validate the perceptions and needs of the other so that those others will not have to know they are wrong about anything and so they can keep themselves convinced as individuals, and as a society, that they are absolutely blameless.

You see when we all think in absolute abstractions we get very predictable absolute effects.

If only the identified patient is inherently defective, and in need of containment "like a disease process" then no one else has to be defective at all. That way, dysfunctional relating is not dysfunctional and does not need to be changed. It can be 'normal' and as we often hear, "just the way life is, and we all have to accept it."


WHY do we have to accept it? WHY don't we change it and make life better for ALL of us and not just SOME of us at the expense of some others?


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When you open your mind to the impossible, sometimes you find the truth.

Walter, The Mad Scientist On Fringe


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Patricia, Site Owner

How to Use These Public Posting Boards

We can use these public boards as a means of collective contact amongst psychiatric survivour/ex mental patients. 

(Interacting with the non- psychiatrized as well where appropriate) As with all sites like mine, this is a good way to get out of psycho-social isolation, feel connected to those with similar experiences, and to share what helps and what does not.

Please remember that this one is a PUBLIC board so that anyone can see what you have to say. I personally have access to your addresses and e-mails when you register but you do not have to use your real name or otherwise expose your identity. The server owner also has access to anything you post here as well but it will not be used in any way UNLESS you say something that is breaking the laws.

I want to keep my ‘G’ rating so that a ten year old could read this without blushing, feeling frightened or learning new words that would shock even me as an old lady... so watch your way of expressing yourself please. I do not have a lot of time on line so if anyone notices a problem with any posts please bring it to my attention by sending me an e-mail directing me, by title, to the problem post. E-mail me at:

Remove the word SPAMAWAY and close the space.

Please download the two PDF files below regarding how to use the boards and the software.

1.   Posting in the First Person Singular Style

This one is about the simple method of use

2.   Registering, Signing in and Using the Software

This one is about the physical use of the site software and gives a step by step direction.

Both are in the PDF files below and can be downloaded to a computer, flash drive or opened and read online here.

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Who Defines the Normal and Why?
The Focus on this interactive page is going to be on the perspective we don't hear much about: the Normal group member and his or her role in the design and diagnosis of the assigned illness, given to the individual who gets psychiatrized, often for 'complaining' about his/her experience with 'others' as well as the Normal's function as a part of a Normal group.

Here we will shift the focus OFF of the psychiatrized one and ONTO the group as a whole, and some of its other members in particular.


I believe we need to take another look at 'Normal' and how it all got to be considered to BE 'Normal. In doing so we may just find that a whole lot of what is now considered to be 'Normal' might better be described as 'common' or ‘habit.' Longstanding dysfunctional relating for example is very often called “Normal' by those who are used to it, who want to stay 'popular' in their group by keeping silent, or who “don't want to make waves “in the name of “getting along.” Often of course, those who are “getting along” are not really “getting along” with everyone and are part of a well practised scapegoating system. 

So if you have some stories of your “Normal' experiences, this is the page for that.


As usual on these pages, please follow the few simple rules of communication and talk about; ideas or experiences generally, your own personal experiences without naming proper names, your feelings, your experiences  of the mental illness system, good or bad, in relation to your own personal experience with it.  Keep it connected on this page though to defining and questioning what is considered to be “Normal” thinking and behaviour. Do NOT name names, as this is a public board and liability laws apply. Keeping your sharing in the first person singular and/or in relation to ideas or concepts allows you to have your say and keeps you and me, safe from harm or legal problems at the same time.


Above is the PDF Copy of the practical use of the Bulletin Board and how the software at this site works for you personally. 

To use this Board you DO have to register to this site in just the same way you do in any support group BUT this discussion is not closed to the public.