(aka the "There she is, that's her there, careful don't let her spot ya!" public performances... which of course, do not REALLY exist...shhhhh...don't let on you got this from me.... I am not to "find out" anything like, what is packed in those cans labeled, "Worms."' Remember the dysfunctional group motto: "never reveal; keep It surreal')
So just between you and I on the down-low here:
I love the grocery store assessment; especially from some of the cashiers hiding in plain sight while acting it out from 6 – 8 feet away. Here is on of those scenes after going through a lineup:
I looked at my receipt before throwing it into my bag and this action got assessed by a cashier two lines over and shared with another one also standing by with nothing to do for a few minutes during a pause except for a chance to engage in a customer evaluation session.
Cashier 1: "She is looking at her receipt so she can make sure she did not spend too much money." (smirk...eye roll)
Cashier 2: ( looks right at me also with a little laugh) This is a cashier bonding moment achieved by assessing an inferior person, or a human who is not as smart, or "normal" as they doing the assessing consider themselves to be.. and it is apparently done by "reading my mind" since they KNOW what I am thinking and why I am looking at the receipt without even having to talk to me at ALL! Wow are these people geniuses, psychics or what?
THIS, you "mental illness " people is called REALITY and it exists "out here" on" a daily basis and is indulged in, as a "norm,” by a large percentage of the population, which also includes representation from doctors, hospital staff, para medics, lawyers, cops, city employees, university faculty students support staff and many OTHER sub sections of society. This is not the "delusions" of those who report the group behavior to you, although there ARE clearly delusions present in the experience as a whole. However, it is more often the LOCATION of the delusional state that is missed and that is usually because of the numbers of people in agreement as to what is reality.
(note the similarity to the contents of the e.s.t structure? Or am I just “reading too much into things” so that those in agreement with each other won't have to read anything they would rather not?)
In the reality I, and many others, live in, on a daily basis the location of the delusional state is very often from 1 to ten feet away from me. Of course as pros have told me, when people are REALLY crazy they don't KNOW it...and I think they've got THAT part right, at least SOME of the time.
Now if you recognize your pre-fab assessment, then when the ones telling you about their real experience, "out here in the world of reality" (as they also say in e.s.t) do so, you just MIGHT become able to locate the GROUP delusion instead of "reducing the awareness" of those trying to tell you about their experiences as "subjects" (which also means subjective PROJECTIONS) with dysfunctional groups.
It is a lot like being taught when you hear the word "ketchup," you should know the person using it really MEANS, "paste" as "they" with Ketchup Delusional Disorder like to eat chips and paste, which if you ask them directly about it, they will deny and that is because denying it is also a part of their disorder...got that? Also "ketchup" really MEANS they can't "catch up" to others but their disorder won't allow them to know that either. Got that? OK then, ready, set, PROJECT your belief system onto the lesser minds!)
Now, BACK to my concrete example from everyday reality and a bit of missing information which if you HAD might change the meaning of the scene being acted out;
In reality, the one I live in with myself and others, I was looking at my receipt this time to see how much the smaller piece of Lo Bok cost this time. Sometimes I can only find one as big as a horse’s leg, which I can never eat before it starts to do the “yech”...thing and I prefer to pay attention to what and how I spend, just as I always have. (though I am a low income person and have been most of my life, I am one of the few Canadians who has NO debt and that is because I live within my means. I wonder if the mouthy cashier does? The Lo Bok piece was $1.16 by the way...perhaps they could assess that also???
Perhaps these two superior cashiers, who seemed to be "putting their thoughts into my head" as some on the receiving end of this common public behaviour might phrase it, much like others who like to "put words in my mouth," when they assign themselves the role of my "interpreters," are using themselves as the model of "normal." Mostly though, any excuse for a dysfunctional style bonding session will do, as long as it involves some sort of contempt or disdain for those who are not like "US." There must always be an "us" defined in some way as that creates a "side" to be on, which is the “correct" or "normal" or "superior" position to be in, and that's the point of the assessment session in the first place; defending "us," who feel threatened in SOME way, by one of "them."
Similar to this grocery store incident was one at Value Village a few years ago which was performed by an employee who I know to be on a disability pension. (Homewood graduate) I was looking at the labels in blouses etc. and this one took that as an opportunity to bond over the use of another stupid question used for a Value Village staff assessment.
Associate 1: "Now why is she looking at the labels?"
Associate 2 answer: "Well that is because she has to make sure these clothes are GOOD enough for her! After all, as so-and-so in Dysfunctional Villa, told us, "She just thinks she is BETTER than everybody else!"
(shared smirks about THAT one, aka that BITCH!) and another bonding moment out here, in the world of reality.... Hi "so-and-so"…have missed your acting out at the bus stop lately...)
REALITY of My looking at the labels:
I check them for fabric content which is looking for cotton, too much polyester, which doesn't "breathe” and any presence of wool, to which I am allergic...which of course is nowhere NEAR as fascinating as looking to make sure the clothes are GOOD enough for miss high and mighty here! Also no opportunity for dysfunctional bonding would occur from saying shit like,
"She just thinks she is too GOOD to put up with a wool rash like the rest of US!"
It just doesn't sound as righteously indignant as just being too GOOD for HER, in a more non specific way, or a way they fabricate for themselves, used to serve the real purpose of the snotty commentary which is for them to FEEL better about being "US."
Off course I do not EXPLAIN this to them as in reality there is no point. Most of the time these people acting out consider themselves to be "hidden" in plain sight from lesser me. But even if they KNEW I could see and hear them, which SOME of them, sometimes DO, it would not make any difference. Because in reality, it is not really ABOUT me, and who I REALLY am at all. They are not really interested in that. It is about having someone to COMPARE themselves to, even someone they do not actually KNOW at all, and sometimes PREFERABLY someone they don't know, since there is no danger of being challenged in their beliefs from a nice safe distance away. The real purpose of that is for them to feel better about themselves, in that "contest" mode they live in, which I am not IN with them. The fact that I do not think like them of course, makes me "abnormal" since in dysfunctional relating style, "normal' is whatever the majority of the group members define together as "normal" and one does not question the group definition of "normal' if one want so BE a member of the group, similar to cults. For their is a rule in dysfunctional relating against identifying, or changing, the dysfunctional norm. If you try it, the problem can only be in the one who tries it.
This is the "circle" many start to recognize as they break down under pressure, even though at the time they can't quite grasp it fully, or explain it completely. Often they ARE aware their is some information missing, from their understanding or sometimes it's added or "spun," or they describe the experience as "solving a puzzle.'
(...for which they are, of course, then mocked and ridiculed for thinking there IS a puzzle to be solved. For after all those who define the abnormal, as not like "us", don't see any "puzzle' needing to be solved. So clearly those who do, must be crazy. It sure as hell is not gong to be any of THEM who are crazy and they are in agreement on that!)
So back to my recent grocery store employee assessment generated by my looking at my cash register tape:
The problem isn't that I looked at my tape. The problem is not WHY I looked at my tape. The problem is that two cashiers, neither of whom actually know me, have to FIND a "problem" in someone who is operating within her own personal boundaries, for her own reason(s), which they don’t KNOW, and which they are not entitled TO know, just so that they can make THEMSELVES FEEL “better” (both levels) by comparison to someone they can define as “less than,” whether what they use TO define that is real or imagined. Yet this problem is always either denied to EXIST at all, justified, or the effects on the targets, trivialized, as the means of maintaining it as a sort of long standing “fix” for ideas, or negative feelings, in those who are used to doing it this way and have who no replacement to give them any other kind of “satisfaction.” (as they also say in e.s.t.)
Other Gems in Public Scenes Like These Include:
Mall: “Why is she just sitting there like that?”
Target Store: “Why is she looking inside that toaster box?”
Both questions supplied with moronic answers by several of my “superiors” and self appointed “interpreters.” They like doing their “mind reading” act and sharing their vision as amateur “psychics,” whenever possible apparently...and any mindless irrelevant questioning of even the most insignificant life detail about one of “them” will do.
REALITY: (way more boring than the mysterious multiple “possibilities” of my assessors imagining)
Scene 1: I was sitting on a bench, not too far from the door near the bus stop, by the customer service kiosk, holding my small tablet, while waiting for a definition update for my offline computer's anti-virus program to finish downloading...how odd and mysterious is THAT?
Scene 2: I was looking at the product in the box, “as if” it mattered to me what I was buying and checking to make sure my bagel would fit into the toaster slots, which they did not in the current toaster I had which was just then burning out.
The two women in scene two here were also the ones with the comments made regularly in my direction, at the check out at Walmart. When I heard some time later that a middle aged cashier had been fired from her job as a cashier for making inappropriate nasty comments to a customer in line, I could not help but wonder if it was one of these same two who seemed to enjoy assessing me there too. One of these women has also assessed me with a bus driver.
Now to all my team of Helpers from Homewood:
This kind of thing is a daily REALITY here. Another major piece of the "puzzle" I had to find was the fact that most of the time, these people don't KNOW I am aware of them, even if I talk TO them, as they have a neat little line drawn through their own minds, between what I WILL see, hear, know and understand and what I won't. They then treat me "as if" that was MY reality and not their OWN delusional state. This is how a large percentage of the local population thinks, and behaves, on a daily basis; the more so if they can get to agree on a target who “deserves” their disdain. They behave this way, even though they “would have no REASON to do so.” “Reason” has nothing to DO with this. If you really want to help in ways that work, giving help, and not “help”, get the system out of IT'S OWN long standing denial, focus on the problem and NOT on the supposedly “incorrect”, perceptions/reactions of those on the RECEIVING end of this dysfunctional GROUP dynamic.
Change your own minds and change the world in our “outer space” you “alien”(ists). That way everyone won't keep suppressing it all and stuffing it down into their “inner space” because they have to hide the truth about what is going on in their “outer space” just to avoid the current brand of “help.”